(liquids include water, tea, coffee, 100% juice, and soup that doesn't have large chunks of anything in it)
- today, friday, and saturday: liquids only, 500 calories max
- sunday: water/tea only, must meditate for 1/2 hour at least
- monday, tuesday: liquids only, 400 calories max
- no calorie wednesday (same as sunday)
that's my seven day fasting plan. I know I can do this :) After that I'm thinking of a new plan, somewhere along the lines of 2 cups of food per day, 1 of fruits and 1 of veggies, for 7 days, with the last 3 days including like a small bowl of oatmeal or a slice of toast.
**Must get to 150s must get to 150s must get to 150s**
And as far as exercise goes, I'm gonna try and get to the track as often as possible, like every spare minute I have will be devoted to running/walking/riding my bike. And if it rains or if I can't make it out there for some reason, I'm going to do either tae-bo or pilates (on vhs :]) and/or 30 minutes of calisthenics. And yop. That is beez tha plan, yo.
I feel so giggly :) I think my brother spiked my coffee :))) hehehe. This is my second cup. xD
I cannot wait for my stomach to rumble. I miss the feeling of hunger so much. It feels like there is a knot in my stomach, like i ate a bunch of rocks or something and they're just sitting in my stomach like no you won't feel hungry, never ever again. But I love feeling hungry, because then I know I'm doing it right. And especially because the last time I was hungry (about a week ago, pre-binge mode), I got on the scale and it said 159 and I screamed. Like literally, my mom came and was like wtf and I was like "Oh, just nothing" *insert huge cheesy grin here*.
I miss the feeling of severe anxiety around food. Like right before the first time I binged last week, I would purposely stay out of the kitchen so as not to see anything that would make me freak out, which was just about everything.
I also miss my room being spotless. And everything else being spotless. When I fast, or restrict, for long periods of time, my OCD gets really really severe, and I love the feelings of anxiety when my room is messy because it distracts me from eating because I feel like if there's dust on the window sill I HAVE to clean it before I do anything else. And idk I just feel cleaner when my OCD gets that bad. Like one day, I washed my hands 17 times. 17! Why did I need to wash my hands that much? Why did I count how many times I washed my hands??? I honestly don't know. But I like feeling like that. On the edge all the time. I think I burn more calories when I get like that because I get all jittery and stuff and I'm like hyper all the time. It's like... when I used to go see a shrink, they gave me Anafranil to help suppress my OCD symptoms, but I didn't like taking them because when I took them, I felt dead inside like something was missing, and when I would quit taking them I felt even more unclean than before I began the treatment and it was a really weird feeling and so I only took them for a little while before telling my shrink that they were not working and before she had a chance to prescribe something else, the insurance ran out and I quit seeing therapists.
Idk what I'm getting at. I just felt like rambling :)
I guess like.. they say that people who starve or restirct alot have symptoms of ocd, so maybe they run hand-in-hand... Idk but they both make me feel complete. Like I have a purpose. If I'm not aiming to better myself, then what am I for, right? And what better way to better yourself than to make yourself and your surroundings more clean? :)
Anywho... I hope everyone is doing ok on their diets/plans/fasts/whatever. You girls are so amazing in so many different ways. I'm so glad to be back to this. I feel at home again.
Ana's girls, I missed you. How are you?
Ana, I missed you. Thank you for forgiving me and coming back to whip me into shape :)
stay strong loves <333