Friday, July 10, 2009


I definitely went over my limit yesterday. And even though I said I was going to bed, I actually turned off the computer, put all the rest of the brownies in a huge bowl, covered it with milk and peanut butter, and ate like half of it before I felt sick from all the sweetness...
So then I drank a huge bottle of water, and told myself that I fucked up big time, but it's ok because tomorrow I'll fast. And then I ate like half a box of triscuits. They really are my weakness :/ But at least I didn't eat a whole box like I normally do.
Geez, my stomach is a black hole.
Then I took the rest of my laxatives, which was only four, and because I've been taking them in large doses when I do take them, it hasn't kicked in yet ://///
But today, I'm staying busy. After my brother eats breakfast we're watching movies all day, bt I'm bringing along my hand weights, and I'm definitely going to do Tae-BO later on, and some more stuff, and I'm basically going to stay moving all day on just water and coffee (with splenda)
I hate the feeling after a binge. Like... my stomach feels like when you poke a water balloon, all hard and bloated and gross... But after today it should wear off at least a little, and I'm hoping that these laxatives will kick in (I'll go buy some more later) and by tomorrow I will at least feel better. At least enough to wear shorts to the family reunion.
And I told myself if I did a whole week of ABC I would do something good for myself like cut my hair or dye it a cool color or paint my nails weird or something...
IDK anymore.
I don't think the ABC is right for me. But I'm going to start again next week where I left off, and no matter what, I will finish this. Even if I have fuck-up days. I'm going to finish this because nobody ever finishes ABC, and mine won't be perfect, but I'll get as close as I can to sticking to it.
And I'm also thinking like the week before my senior pictures I'm going to do all of my ABC calories as liquid calories. Like a liquid fast ABC. Just the week before. And the week before school starts. So I can lose the extra pounds before school starts :D
I can do this.
We can all do it.
Everyone makes mistakes.
I'm not perfect because I'm human and humans make mistakes.
All humans make mistakes, so nobody is perfect, no matter how beautiful they are.
I'm sure Lindsay Lohan has binged a few times in her life.
But she always recovers.
And so will I.
And so will everyone else.
It's ok.

1 comment:

  1. I've been feeling the same way... like maybe ABC isn't right for me either. I think my problem is wanting it to be perfect the entire time. But I can't give up after a week, y'know? We'll get through it, even if we're the ones metaphorically 'walking' over the finish line instead of running.