Wait, I'm ok now, but after my bf left my house last night, I freaked, and ate a whole tablespoon of peanut butter. Even on a normal day I only use half a tablespoon. And then I remembered how I ate way too much, and I took some laxatives. And I felt bad about taking them, but when I woke up this mornign at six with the worst stomach ache ever, I knew it would be ok. But the truth is, that's not ok. I honestly cannot wait untill I run out of laxatives, bacause that means I can't use them anymore, which means no more bingeing. I hate using them, but it feels so much better having at least half of all that gross food out of me.
So now, I'm waiting. For the other like half-ish, and for my brother to leave. I'm supposed to be babysitting (well like 9-year old sitting, he's no way a baby anymore), but he's leaving around noon to go to the movies with his friends. And guess what that means?! I don't have too *really* cook lunch. I'm going to the track to kill myself. I'm beast-mode-ing my workout today.
However, I do hve a really good success story. I'm trying really hard to break the binge/fast/binge/fast/etc cycle, so I decided that this morning I would have breakfast. I made pancakes for me and my brother, and he actually liked it, and then we had smoothies. I'm guessing around like 500 total, definitely no more than that. Which is good for today I guess. Hopefully I can get away with a salad for dinner, and then maybe lower my intake to 400 calories tomorrow. Then I'm definitely fasting on Sunday. If I tell my mom it's for religious purposes, and that I'm trying to find my inner self, it will be easy. Alls I gots ta do is say that, and ride my bike to "the park" (the track to workout), and say I'm meditating or something. Works everytime.
I wish I looked like the girl in that picture. Her hair is so awesome. And she's really cute. That's a future picture of myself :D I hope...... ://
So... this post had like no direction at all lol I just re-read it it's very random. But oh well. People read it, so it must be somewhat decent I guess.
Now I'm off to mydailyplate so I can get a reality check on just how much I ate last night.....
*dun dun dun*