plan: get off work, workout, play sims 3, sleep reality: get off work, binge, purge, play sims, no sleep, work...
im too mentally exhausted to be alive :( i had 500 calories yesterday and like 600 the day before that and i only have one of my papers done and i have like $120 worth of ecstasy to sell by monday. i haven't been to the gym, i have a $150 late fee to pay for my school, and i have to talk to my therapist on campus to see why there is still a medical withdrawal hold on my registration account :( i cant even register for next semester yet because of it and registration started 11 days ago so all the classes i need to take are full now :'(
i think i’m falling in love all over again. i don’t know if it’s the right time, but it feels perfect, and i don’t want to let it slip away again this time, so i’m trying to let myself have feelings again. i don’t want to live like i have been living, and he makes me happy, so that’s all that matters. he tells me i’m beautiful and worth everything in the world to him :)<3
oh and also, my friend cody and i are pretty much fyb now :) and honestly, i feel a lot better now that there aren't awkward sexual tensions. i mean, we're best friends, it's not like we haven't had sex before, and it kind of just makes more sense than just being friends and the both of us being all sad and lonely. and i like the cuddles :) and even though we are best friends, and we've tried the whole dating thing before and we both know that it never has worked before because we're such good friends, it kind of is like this: we're both lonely, and we've known each other for like 5 years, and no matter what happens whenever we're both single we always come back to each other. like, we tried to be bf/gf the first time, but he met this other girl and fell madly in love with her and i stepped back because i guessed he just wanted to be friends and then we hid under this cover of "oh he's just like a brother to me we're just best friends" for a long time. yeah i still think about jake a lot though, i miss him, and i would give anything to have him back. no one is ever going to take his place. i just wish i had told him i loved him more often.
anyways, so basically my life right now= no food, lots of sex, lots of work, and lots of weed. no time to exercise, but sex with me is pretty much exercise (lol) and i'm on my feet all day long at work so i'm ok with this. i need to get my school caught up.
and now i feel like i'm just rambling..... the actual point of this post is just that i feel a lot better right now than i did a few weeks ago (minus the tired all the time thing) and also that im gettin my dick wet :D tehehe
my job is deflating the little bits of me that are left :'( i'm so tired. i literally have no days off at all. so i guess i have to choose either money or a social life... but without money, a social life is just not the same. drugs aren't free. lol my schoolwork is gonna go right down the drain now too though, i have three exams this week, i had to drop one of my classes, and i have like no time to do homework like ever... oh and i have two papers due this month :( fuck
working is keeping me from eating as much, so at least i'll be a rich skinny bitch :D