Friday, November 25, 2011

stay up all night for black friday shopping with mom at midnight, work from 6am-11am, nomvom during austin powers, sleep at 3pm.

this is becoming routine….

Thursday, November 24, 2011

:) 143
7 pound loss since starting my job :)
prolly all water weight from the bingeing i was doing, but still
happy thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

home for 2 days. threw up dinner. thanksgiving is tomorrow. i will weigh myself for the first time in months tomorrow
i got a bad feeling about this :'(

Saturday, November 19, 2011

plan: get off work, workout, play sims 3, sleep
reality: get off work, binge, purge, play sims, no sleep, work...

im too mentally exhausted to be alive :( i had 500 calories yesterday and like 600 the day before that and i only have one of my papers done and i have like $120 worth of ecstasy to sell by monday. i haven't been to the gym, i have a $150 late fee to pay for my school, and i have to talk to my therapist on campus to see why there is still a medical withdrawal hold on my registration account :( i cant even register for next semester yet because of it and registration started 11 days ago so all the classes i need to take are full now :'(

what the fuck am i going to do?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

cody's going home for the weekend, so i'm gonna work a lot and make money and go to the gym a few times and write both my papers and this weekend will be productive

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

i went almost 2 weeks without purging.
oh well

Saturday, November 12, 2011

i think i’m falling in love all over again. i don’t know if it’s the right time, but it feels perfect, and i don’t want to let it slip away again this time, so i’m trying to let myself have feelings again. i don’t want to live like i have been living, and he makes me happy, so that’s all that matters. he tells me i’m beautiful and worth everything in the world to him :)<3

Thursday, November 10, 2011

haven't really eaten alot this week, bout to go drop acid :)

Monday, November 7, 2011

oh and also, my friend cody and i are pretty much fyb now :) and honestly, i feel a lot better now that there aren't awkward sexual tensions.
i mean, we're best friends, it's not like we haven't had sex before, and it kind of just makes more sense than just being friends and the both of us being all sad and lonely. and i like the cuddles :)
and even though we are best friends, and we've tried the whole dating thing before and we both know that it never has worked before because we're such good friends, it kind of is like this: we're both lonely, and we've known each other for like 5 years, and no matter what happens whenever we're both single we always come back to each other. like, we tried to be bf/gf the first time, but he met this other girl and fell madly in love with her and i stepped back because i guessed he just wanted to be friends and then we hid under this cover of "oh he's just like a brother to me we're just best friends" for a long time.
yeah i still think about jake a lot though, i miss him, and i would give anything to have him back. no one is ever going to take his place.
i just wish i had told him i loved him more often.

anyways, so basically my life right now= no food, lots of sex, lots of work, and lots of weed. no time to exercise, but sex with me is pretty much exercise (lol) and i'm on my feet all day long at work so i'm ok with this.
i need to get my school caught up.

and now i feel like i'm just rambling..... the actual point of this post is just that i feel a lot better right now than i did a few weeks ago (minus the tired all the time thing) and also that im gettin my dick wet :D tehehe

Saturday, November 5, 2011

my job is deflating the little bits of me that are left :'( i'm so tired. i literally have no days off at all. so i guess i have to choose either money or a social life... but without money, a social life is just not the same.
drugs aren't free. lol
my schoolwork is gonna go right down the drain now too though, i have three exams this week, i had to drop one of my classes, and i have like no time to do homework like ever...
oh and i have two papers due this month :(

working is keeping me from eating as much, so at least i'll be a rich skinny bitch :D

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

ohh btw, i hadn't purged for pretty much a little over a week.
cuz i didn't really eat at all for like 6 days
except i just did.
and i purged
and it all came out in like 5 minutes...

cuz my friend wanted to drink
so now im basically drinking on an empty stomach :)
goodnight yousguyses
i am so stressed out.
my weekend was fucking amazing.
i did acid. it was fucking awesome.
i feel like i lost ten pounds.

my first day of work was yesterday. i have to work morning shifts from 9am-5pm... fuck my life.
i work thursday friday and saturday
so no more drugs for me this weekend

OH and i have 2 papers due by next week
no food for me this week