Wednesday, July 22, 2009

thanks you guys

i feel so bad for not being on here but like twice in a week. there's really no excuse other than i've been shoving food down my throat for the past week and i feel disgusting.
im done with abc, i cant do it, i give it up.
its just not for me.
im going back to fasting for the rest of the week, and maybe by sunday i'll have my deal figured out.
all your comments made me cry, and i felt so bad for having been so weak these last few days, but i havent thought about eating for at least a few hours now and considering the past few days, that is definitely a good thing. you guys are so freaking awesome you know that??? ;)
i took laxatives the whole week, so i havent gained that much weight, but im really scared now because in this book im reading it lists all the horrible things that laxatives do to your body, so after today im not going to use them. i only have like 9 left anyways, so thats my reason for not ever bingeing ever ever again. even though theres no food in my house now, so i dont think i could really binge on anything other than salad and fruit..
so yup, this means im back, and hopefully stronger than before, and im going to be harder on myself about exercising, because no fitness regime is complete without appropriate exercise, and i haven't moved in almost two weeks.
and i have to get senior pictures done soon and im freaking out because i have to look really good because this picture will be the one that people remember me by for the rest of my life...
omg maybe i won't go get them done waaaaa
i look so horrible. my stomach is all poked out like im pregnant or something.
i took 15 laxatives today, which was stupid, because that means in a few more hours im going to die...
but at least that will be out of my system, and then i'll feel lighter and im going to drink a lot of water to make up for my not drinking enough water the past few days and then ill be back on track.
and hopefully back down to 160. by sunday. must must must get back down to there, asap.
i hate food hangovers. i feel so gross and sluggish :P
im going to go learn how to use a sewing machine now.
stay strong everyone. thank you so much for your comments <333


  1. I gave up on ABC too.
    It made me too guilty when I couldn't keep up with it. Now that I stopped it I'm actually doing well. I think it'll be good for you to stop it.

    I hope you feel better soon. And good luck on getting back to 160! I'm absolutely sure you will do it. : )

  2. ABC is so hard, I wasn't able to stay with it at all. I just kept failing and getting discouraged. I'm becoming such a fan of the laxative, I could go for a run, or I could just have a laxative, not a hard choice. I agree with you about the exercise. I need to get back to that. I've allowed myself to get to lazy. Not okay at all, time to use that gym membership I pay for.
    I'm so glad to see you back. Keep posting, I love reading updates on how you are doing. Best of luck for the picture, you will look great!

  3. abc is SO hard. agreed.
    and its so discouraging because it has to have a high failure rate because its very demanding.
    i would quit the laxatives.. they dont do anything good for you. except pain and poop. your body absorbs all the calories and fat anyways, so why not let it come out on its own ya know? lol.
    im glad you're back. you ever need a boost, im on blogger pretty much all day everyday! my email is
    im a self-proclaimed fitness guru LOL and if you have any questions or just need someone to motivate you, im here to help ya!
    we are all in this together <3

  4. I think it's good your giving up abc's. You should be ashamed at all for stopping it. I think it was just setting you up for failure because it took your control away.
    I know that posting every day keeps me in check ; ) Maybe you could try that?
    Don't stress too much on the pictures. I know you want to look good in them, but you could always get some done on your own a few months in and have someone on yearbook switch them. I know people who've done that in the past.
    Food hang overs are the worst : ( I think fasting is a great way to get on track again. And it will also give you a confidence boost, so you'll know you can succeed!
    Stay strong <3

  5. like i said in my last comment, you and I are on similar tracks here! i binged all day today. and purged after every time of course. i saw that precious 109.6 this morning and im determined to get back to it. because of todays eating though it may be a while. but hey, lets you and i team up together to get back to our LW's eh? good luck, and tell the food to go screw itself!

  6. Good for you, I know you can come back strong as ever! I binged a little today, ate over half my calorie allowance in one meal (pancake... GROAN...) I'm going to be exercising for hours to get a little of my self esteem back. Just look at the food you're going to eat before you eat it, then imagine what you're going to feel like afterwards, if you DID eat it... it will make you want to get away from anything food related for hours. Stay strong, we're here for you!! :)