i need to get my head out of the clouds, out of the refridgerator, out of the pantry, and into the fact that school starts monday, and i have been too obsessed with food and weight matters to do my summer reading project that is DUE IN 2 DAYS!
ive been thinking alot today, reflecting... im kind of numb right now. and after eating nonstop for 3 hours, i feel apathetic really. im not mad at myself and i dont feel guilty. i probably will tomorrow though. and you know what else? i dont regret pigging my face the past 3 days.
yeah, i weigh more right now than i have almost all month long, but who cares. im tired of being obsessed with something that hurts me so much.
hopefully by monday ill feel back to normal.
i dont like not feeling.
its worse than feeling sad.
i dont like bingeing for absolutely no reason either.
i have a project to do. i have a whole book to read. and ten essay questions to do. before monday. i had all summer long to do it.
that pisses me off more than reading the scale right now.
i hate that this is consuming my entire life.
i need time to get myself together. i dont know whats going on with me right now.
but i love you guys, and i will come back eventually, i just dont know when.
stay strong, and i hope everyone gets what theyre looking for.
ps. ill probably get on here like tomorrow, and delete this post, and replace it with one that begins "WTF WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?!....."
maybe im bipolar.