Friday, August 21, 2009


to everyone, to ana, and to myself.
but, this time around, i refuse to be utterly pissed off at myself over this.
btw, has anyone ever used mag citrate as a laxative?
how was your.. um... experience??
im going to get some. this guy on amazon said it was cheap, but he got the volcanic ass-ruptions that will relieve me of my food-athon.
my whole blog is like a goddamned roller coaster from hell.
but then, those are the best ones right? and once you get off, you almost always want to get back on... even if you throw up on the kid next to you.
i wish i could throw up...
im going to ignore my 8 months pregnant stomach,
and pretend like none of this ever happened
and pray that my boyfriend doesn't notice how disgustingly huge it is..
its probably bigger than his...
(he has a potbelly)
((but its cute on him lol))
maybe if i close my eyes and wish hard enough, everything will disappear...
maybe if i fast from now until forever
the voices in my head will shut up
and forgive me
and leave me alone...


  1. I have never tried that, nope, haven't heard of it even, but why not give it a go if you think it might help! The last few lines of this post are really pretty. Just think how far you have come. You are awesome, you can do this, but like you know, you just gotta get across those bitchy weeks or months of body rebellion!!! good luck hun x

  2. aw honey.
    you are okay. and no i have never used that stuff.. dont get laxatives =( assplosions dont sound fun at all. D:

    you have come so far girl..
    dont let this little setback get you down.
    you are okay. <3

  3. I've never tried that.
    But don't be too hard on yourself. : ( And don't buy more laxatives! I think subconciously, if you know you'll be able to get rid of the food, you're more likely to eat it.
    You've done such an amazing job, and you'll get right back on track. You're strong! Forgive yourself, move on and be better from it.

  4. i have never even heard of it. honestly, if you have only heard of it from him, i wouldnt try it. if you really dont understand what it is.

    I hate to see you down like this. :( dont let it get in the way of your progress. keep going, everything is ok.

    stay strong.

  5. Oh, we're all here for you!! You'll get right back on track, and everything will become perfect for us all, I promise! Sticking together, determination, being there, that's why we're all here! :)

    Do what you need to, but be careful, some things that are supposed to empty your body can be really harmful if you over-use them, like laxatives or tylenol. Stay strong!!! <33

  6. neva tried it, if u do let us know what happens. and u know take care ok?? and remember its always worse in our heads yeah?

  7. You don't have an 8 months pregnant stomach. You're almost down to 150. Don't you realise how much of an achievement that is, Heather? I'm upset with you for being so harsh on yourself. You make mistakes just like the rest of us. Now learn from it, and move on. Good luck dear.