Monday, June 22, 2009

Vegan Binge :(

I figured, hey, if I'm vegan, I won't be tempted to eat as much.
But that's when mom makes a lot of veggies for dinner, and I have two bowls of veggies, and two veggie chicken burgers, with two slices of bread... So last night I probably ate around 1500 calories, probably more. Fuck. And yes, I went to the track, but we didn't run, just walked. But we did do the stairs, but I didn't do crunches or anything at all before bed like I usually do.
I don't want to talk about how I feel right now. You can probably guess. And even though I said I would never take laxatives again, I did. And this time they woke me up at 4 am, and I've been like four times total, and my stomach feels all twisted, and even though I planned on making veggie pizza this week, I think I'll wait untill next week.
It's monday, and my motto for this week is "Don't eat unless you absolutely HAVE to".
Like if my boyfriend takes me somewhere, get a small salad. If my mom says something or if we go somewhere where it would be too obvious if I tried to hide, get a salad. No pizza, and hopefully I won't like the sushi my friend is going to buy. This means I should have a total of three days this week where I won't be subjected to food. Which is good. And at least three or four days of exercising.
And now, I'm making muffins, but I purposely made them with real milk instead of soymilk. And this week I think I'll make a lot of food this way. Cuz I'm vegan, I can't eat that.
Hope it works.
Sorry if I let anyone down, even though the person I let down the most is myself/
I'm sorry self.
I'm sorry for getting this fat to begin with, and I'm sorry for feeling like giving up so many times.
I will make it up to you.
160 by Friday. I have to.


  1. You are doing great - meeting your goals and everything, and a binge of veggies is way better then bingeing on something else. Besides, I was always told that all you get from eating huge amounts of veggies is water weight - but I bet you didn't gain anything. Oh, and about the laxatives - veggies have lots of natural fiber in them which means you probably didn't need to take the laxatives which is probably why they made you feel all twisted inside.

    I think that is a great idea to make food with real milk so that you know you can't eat it :)

  2. I know exactly how you feel. I had a binge on fruit yesterday which is about the same as your binge on vegetables. And at least you walked. I didn't do much exercise to burn off my binge and i felt like shit when i went to bed. I also took laxatives and they woke me up with the worst cramps i've ever gotten from them. I legitimately thought i was going to throw up so i had to curl up in a ball and fall asleep. Because like sadhana said, it's mostly water weight and we didn't actually need to take the laxatives in the first place. But i'm with you. How you feel so incredibly disgusting and you feel like you ate so much so you think you absolutely have to take laxatives to get rid of it all. Don't worry though. I'm sure you didn't gain too much if any at all.
    Stay strong love xo