I figured, hey, if I'm vegan, I won't be tempted to eat as much.
But that's when mom makes a lot of veggies for dinner, and I have two bowls of veggies, and two veggie chicken burgers, with two slices of bread... So last night I probably ate around 1500 calories, probably more. Fuck. And yes, I went to the track, but we didn't run, just walked. But we did do the stairs, but I didn't do crunches or anything at all before bed like I usually do.
I don't want to talk about how I feel right now. You can probably guess. And even though I said I would never take laxatives again, I did. And this time they woke me up at 4 am, and I've been like four times total, and my stomach feels all twisted, and even though I planned on making veggie pizza this week, I think I'll wait untill next week.
It's monday, and my motto for this week is "Don't eat unless you absolutely HAVE to".
Like if my boyfriend takes me somewhere, get a small salad. If my mom says something or if we go somewhere where it would be too obvious if I tried to hide, get a salad. No pizza, and hopefully I won't like the sushi my friend is going to buy. This means I should have a total of three days this week where I won't be subjected to food. Which is good. And at least three or four days of exercising.
And now, I'm making muffins, but I purposely made them with real milk instead of soymilk. And this week I think I'll make a lot of food this way. Cuz I'm vegan, I can't eat that.
Hope it works.
Sorry if I let anyone down, even though the person I let down the most is myself/
I'm sorry self.
I'm sorry for getting this fat to begin with, and I'm sorry for feeling like giving up so many times.
I will make it up to you.
160 by Friday. I have to.