I was planning on laying out for about an hour, to keep my tan. But I just printed a bunch of stuff off of fading-obsession.com and I think I'm going to devote today to my thinspo journal. I haven't really used it this summer as much as I would have liked to, mostly because I either don't have time or don't want to write down all the horrible things I've eaten. But I'm going to write in it today, and copy down some of the general info stuff, and tips/tricks/distractions...stuff like that. I may even make another collage. I love making collages. So far, I have fifteen in the back of my journal. Pictures of beautiful girls I've found in magazines, online, etc... I wish I could print off my thinspo collection and make a really big collage, but my printer is almost out of ink, and I wouldn't have anywhere to hide it. I really want to make a whole wall of my bedroom nothing but thinspo, but my mom would freak. But if I could do that, it really would be amazing. I could look at it everyday... when I want to eat, while I'm exercising, while I'm looking in the mirror. When I get my own apartment I'm definitely going to do that.
Another thing I'm going to do, if I don't move in with my boyfriend, is never ever buy food. My best friend said she would come live with em and help pay rent and we could keep each other from eating. God what I wouldn't give for that. That would be so perfect. We would only buy salad stuff and water and raw food vegan stuff like fresh veggies and fruits, and absolutely no animal products or anything with added chemicals or sugar. And water. Lots and lots of water. I would bring my exercise bike, along with my real bike, and also all of my corny 1980s dance aerobics. And my yoga stuff. And all my free weights. And we would make a whole wall of our apartment dedicated to pictures of all the thin and beautiful people whom we will look like one day. We would have to hide this wall, so maybe we would put it in one of our bedrooms, or somewhere where we could hang a curtain over it or something. Like how people hang pretty rugs on walls sometimes? Yeah, that would work. Gosh that would be really amazing. It would be so easy to lose weight. We would be with each other all the time, 24/7 competition, and I know it would help us both keep from bingeing. That's the worse. The two times we have binged together, it was horrible, and I know the first time it happened I really didn't want to break my fast, and if I would have been just a little bit more stubborn, it could have been avoided. And I know she really didn't want to inge when we ate all that cereal, so together we could keep each other from doing this. And if we lived together, with all of our vegan food, there wouldn't be much to binge from anyways, because it would all be really healthy food, so it wouldn't really be like a binge. And neither of us eats fast foods so that wouldn't be a problem. Oh and I almost forgot, we would always have Shirataki noodles. I really want to try them. They supposively have no calories. I don't know why, but for some reason noodles with chocolate syrup sounds really really good, and Publix has no-cal chocolate syrup, so if I only ate that, I could lose a whole lot of weight, and maybe drop down to 115. I can see us now, wearing each other's clothes, because we'll be the same size, and helping each other stay focused. And exercising together constantly.
I can't wait to go to college.
One more year, one more year, one more year...
I'm in a dreamy kind of mood today. It's kind of cool. I had coffee for breakfast with cream and sugar because the kind I have now tastes really weird black. Up to 86 calories. I might let myself go to 150 today, but liquids only. And I need to drink my soymilk, because it has protein in it, and the 8th continent kind only has 50 calories per serving. So that will be 136 calories. Then I might drink a sip or two of v8 juice. I was thinking of going to the track today, but I may just do some crunches, and take it easy. It's good to take breaks from exercise, right? I'll go tomorrow. Take the weekend off. Relax. I might take a bubble bath tonight :) With some lavender oils. And epsom salt. Yeah. And dream some more :)
Sounds good to me.
Stay strong, my pretties!