Thursday, June 25, 2009

Maybe I Don't Want a Scale...

...cuz if I had one I would brake it right now. I finally stopped binging. I fasted all day yesterday, and exercised a lot on Tuesday and yesterday. Then this morning I made vegan pancakes, which were amazingly delicious, and smoothies, for my brother and I. I made him promise to try being vegan for a day. I love how gullible 9 year olds are :) I want my brother to be educated in health, and not follow in my family's footsteps. I'm going to teach him everything I know about animals, and why we shouldn't eat them, and let him make his own decision, while trying to convince him to be at least vegitarian. I want that so badly for my brother. He's tiny, and really active, so if he doesn't grow up with the southern conservative views of food like the rest of my family, maybe there's hope for him.
On the flip side, I feel gross. I took more laxatives. And I'll take more after lunch, because if I don't eat what I cook, how can I expect my brother to eat it? But then I'm bringing him to the track with me. My friend is bringing her little sister, so they can occupy eachother while she and I exercise our fat asses off for at least two hours. If only I had a job, then I could afford a gym membership :/ But untill then, at least I have track. Which includes running, walking, riding my bike, and beast-mose running up stairs. Which is good for my legs and my enormous butt. And tonight when I get home, I'm definitely going to lift weights and do as many crunches as I can. I have to lose as much weight as I can by Saturday night.
Speaking of Saturday night, here's the thing. Yes, I have had lots of crazy wild calorie-burning sex with my boyfriend. He was my first, and I was his first. And we have talked about fantasies before, and his biggest one (duh, because he's a guy) is to have 2 girls at once... My best friend said she woulddo it, which would be really cool because I"m comfortable around her. However, way back when, I had a huge crush on her. I used to be like madly in love with her, but I kind of channelled that out for the purpose of saving a very deep and strong friendship. We've never had sex before, or even kissed. But all of a sudden, my boyfriend is like yeah lets have a threesome with *best friend*. Which is cool and all... but she's a virgin. And idk if I like the idea of my best friend losing that to the same guy I did... I don't think I'm comfortable with that. It doesn't seem right, and I'm not a jealous person, but I think I would just get like really angry if I saw that happen. And I don't want our friendship to fall out like that because she means too much to me to lose. She's the only one who knows truly everything there ever was to know about me.
As much as I want to please my boyfriend, I can't do that to her, or to myself. I think I'm going to tell her never mind.
And that's Heather's sex-talk for the day.
Soo... now the question of lunch for my brother.... I know he definitely won't eat a salad... :*(


  1. yeah it sounds like things would just get complicated/messy if your friend was the third in your party. i don't think i could ever have a three-some. not that i've even had a two-some yet. lol. but i'm one of those really picky people who waits forever and i just haven't found the right guy yet. plus there is no way that i am close to comfortable having anyone close to my body like that.

    im in the same situation with no money. but i mentioned it to my mom and she might pay for a membership if we can find something that i can just get a 2 month membership to!! i hope we do and soon. but thinking about working out in front of strangers makes me anxious...

  2. Hey - how committed are you and your boyfriend? Like, do you plan on marrying him or is this something you haven't even thought about? In my experience, and from the experiences of everyone I know who has ever brought a third person into the bed room, eventually, it ends up breaking a relationship - whether that be the one between you and your boyfriend, or the one between you and your friend. Not saying there is anything wrong with threesomes and experimenting and all that fun stuff, all I am trying to say is to be careful and if things end up getting all messed up and feelings get hurt, hopefully you'll understand why.

    My personal opinion is that threesomes are best when all three parties involved are single :) A threesome isn't something intimate you share with the one you love, it's something you do for the pure fun of it. But, you are still young, you know? Maybe it's not a bad idea to find someone to have a threesome with you and your boyfriend.

    I understand what you are going through with your brother and I think it is wonderful that you are teaching him all these great things about food and animals and everything. That's really awesome and sweet of you <3

  3. thanks for your comment! It's so comforting to find someone prepared to read my whining! your threesome thing sounds tricky... threesomes are mindblowing, but the whole virgin thing sounds seriously emotionally complicated. Is it really worth possibly losing both your best friend and your boyfriend. If you really wanted to try it, maybe find some one single?
    i don't know.. but I hope you have fun and dont get hurt..