i took 8 laxatives after eating like 3000 calories throughout the day (not all at once but still)
i cant take this shit anymore
im going to be all alone on christmas eve and probably on christmas too
and nobody fucking cares.
nobody ever notices me, or sees me, or hears me,
or even cares enough to check on me every once in a while
not even if i were to take a handful of sleeping pills
after eating a whole cake and some ice cream
to celebrate the birthday of a jesus i dont even believe in
followed by 8 fucking laxatives.
nobody cares.
so why bother?
i hope i wake up feeling better.
in an empty home.
scratch that, an empty house. it takes a family to make a home. but me, i have no one.
i found some dxm in the bathroom cabinet.
i guess we all know what heather's doing tomorrow, haha, anyone else just wanna get fucked up for christmas???
dxm, weed, sleeping pills, laxatives, food, i got it all.
im so fucked up right now.
i think this is the most fucked up ive ever been while sober.
i hallucinated that the oven was on. it kept beeping at me and the lights were on and it smelled like something burning but when i opened the oven it was stone cold and i looked again and there were no lights.
what has become of me?
sometimes i wish i could sleep forever, like rip van winkle.
goodnight.
i hope you start feeling better; you can see by my posts im not in a snazzy mood myself.
ReplyDeletei wish i knew you in real life, so i could tell you that i care.
<3
Ya know, spending a holiday alone blazed as fuck is not as bad as one would think. I spent the past 2 new years watching the ball drop alone but highh. Its hard but you can put yourself in any mind set when your messed up, even if your really sad. Watch a hilarious movie. Eat somthing tasty, enjoy what youve got, dance, just dont be sad sweetie <3 we all really care about you, I know that I love getting to read about your life everyday <333
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