amazing!

http://www.hulu.com/watch/195915/the-biggest-loser-where-are-they-now-special#play-queued-show-by-original_premiere_date-asc#continuous_play=on

i hate this show and this episode especially :( it just reminds me how little ive done lately to lose weight. these people are on the ranch for just a few months and some lose 100 lbs and ive been doing this for 2 years and still only halfway there and ive lost alot and mostly have just been maintaining weight for like a year but still. these people put everything into this and they reach their goals and they work so hard, much much harder than i work and i hate it because i wish i could just be awesome and inspiring like they are. i wish my weight loss journey had changed me as a person for the better instead of for the worse. i hate the person i have become because of this and even though i would never ever wish to be as huge as i used to be, i still am not satisfied with my life or myself right now.
i want to grow as a person while working for the goals i want to reach, not shrivel up and waste away while crying over every misstep.