:/

so im watching the biggest loser on hulu, and the contestants are reflecting on their journeys so far and one guy was talking about how he is becoming the person he always wanted to be.
i feel like these people work so hard and put in so much effort to be healthy and lose weight, and yet i pretty much lost 70 pounds by not doing anything. sure, i went through periods where i would work out for hours but it was never consistent.
not eating is doing it the easy way, and throwing up is like cheating. i feel like i cheated my body of the opportunity to know true health :/
part of me wishes i could gain it all back and just start over and do it the right way so i can become the person i always wanted to be.
the only thing stopping me from gaining the weight back is the uncertainty of what happens when i gain it back. i don't want to be that fat again, and if i ever did, there's no guarantee that i would be able to lose it all again the right way.