i've been failing so bad... but not gaining so it's like waaaahhhh but i dont really care??? like what is this??? i guess my body is used to having near 1500 calories so when i eat that amount it doesnt gain? idk, but its pretty awesome i guess.
i was gonna fast today but i ate my brother's leftover pancakes ( i made them, they were smores pancakes and theyre sofuckingdelicious omg) but yeah. and we dont have splenda so i used hot chocolate in my coffee. and i made it all special, with a huge marshmallow and stuffs. only cuz we didn't have mini marshmallows. i only ate half the marshmallow though cuz i was expecting it to melt and it didnt......
idk how many calories it was, i didnt count on purpose because it's fucking autumn and i want to fucking be motherfucking festive. lol.
i was sad yesterday, because it's fall now. and i want to throw orange and yellow leaves around the yard. i want to go bobbing for apples and drink spiced hot chocolate. i want to carve a pumpkin, and go on a hayride and take a walk through the woods in a big sweater and boots. i want to do all these “autumn festivities” because i never ever have done them before, but i have no one to do them with, because i have no friends. and i live in florida so all we do is go to the beach =’(
anyway.... here's some fall spam :/

















and the best for last, this picture makes me so unbearably sad. i just want to cry forever. it's my favorite season and the only person i imagined spending autumn with is gone...
there is no god because if there was one he would not have taken away the only person who ever made me feel normal. thsi picture would have been exactly me and jake, the style, the tattoos, everything :(