Thursday, July 14, 2011

i need to fast the day i decide to kill myself.

if they looked into my stomach and saw shit food i would literally come back to life and die again. that would be horrifically embarrassing.

i have 2 cents in my bank account, no food in my fridge, and no job. i need a cigarette, but i dont like bumming because i feel guilty, and i need to get wasted but i dont have money for alcohol and i already owe people money for beers and vodka so i cant borrow more money.
no job, no future, and debt, also, i have pretty much failed my summer classes.
im fat and ugly but i dont have food so at least i can starve.

actually, i can list the food i have in my dorm right now:
frozen strawberries.
protein shakes.
frozen broccoli.
a tomato.
dry rice.
dry beans.
and one packet of ramen noodles. that i will probably throw away because noodles are easily thrown up anyways so it's too tempting to have them in the first place.
i probably never will get around to the rice and beans because they take FOREVER to cook.
so yeah, living on protein shakes and oatmeal -___-

*adds to list of reasons i need to kill myself*

i just have to read wasted again, finish my novel before i kill myself. I WILL FINISH IT. if i decide to leave a suicide note it will be to my mom, for her to get my novel published, and for people everywhere to read it.


im throwing out the ramen and the rice and the almonds because they are too fatty and the sugary oatmeal, keeping the plain oatmeal.


  1. Honey, please don't harm yourself. I'm so sorry that things are looking so down for you right now, but things are bound to look up again eventually. Also, the majority of the foods you have in your dorms are actually incredibly healthy (besides the ramen, haha). xoxo

  2. Ramen. As much as I love it, that stuff has FAR too many calories and far too little nutritional content to make it into my shopping trolley :/ Empty calories just aren't worth buying.

    DON'T YOU BLOODY DARE KILL YOURSELF. Go look up 'Form This Way' (Bluexephos' channel) on Youtube and DANCE FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING SONG.

    Also: If you ever wanna come see some snow, I'm fully up for tourguiding you around Wanaka and Queenstown :)

    Love you, stay safe ok? xoxoxoxoxox

  3. Don`t kill yourself..please please please.

    I know how being poor, and having no money is. I worked my way though school too.

    I am excited for your book!!! Keep writing, and stay focused. Please don`t hurt yourself <3