i need to fast the day i decide to kill myself.

if they looked into my stomach and saw shit food i would literally come back to life and die again. that would be horrifically embarrassing.

i have 2 cents in my bank account, no food in my fridge, and no job. i need a cigarette, but i dont like bumming because i feel guilty, and i need to get wasted but i dont have money for alcohol and i already owe people money for beers and vodka so i cant borrow more money.
no job, no future, and debt, also, i have pretty much failed my summer classes.
im fat and ugly but i dont have food so at least i can starve.

actually, i can list the food i have in my dorm right now:
frozen strawberries.
coffee.
protein shakes.
almonds.
oatmeal.
frozen broccoli.
a tomato.
dry rice.
dry beans.
and one packet of ramen noodles. that i will probably throw away because noodles are easily thrown up anyways so it's too tempting to have them in the first place.
i probably never will get around to the rice and beans because they take FOREVER to cook.
so yeah, living on protein shakes and oatmeal -___-

*adds to list of reasons i need to kill myself*

i just have to read wasted again, finish my novel before i kill myself. I WILL FINISH IT. if i decide to leave a suicide note it will be to my mom, for her to get my novel published, and for people everywhere to read it.

******EDIT

im throwing out the ramen and the rice and the almonds because they are too fatty and the sugary oatmeal, keeping the plain oatmeal.