needless to say, the candy diet did not work at all..
so i threw out the rest of it and traded for almost every kind of carb there ever was.
today, my best friend and i skipped school to hang out at the town center.
but only because we both binged really horribly last night.
and thought it was a good idea to take fucking 50 laxatives each...
actually, she only took 45, but still...
we had to be close to bathrooms all day.
the whole time, i was praying i wouldnt see my intestines smiling up at me from the toilet bowl.
i really do hope i never take those fucking little blue pills ever the fuck again.
my bf broke up with me.
technically, were "taking a break", but still, it hurts.
he's bipolar, so im hoping this is just a depressive state, and that his "time to get his life back together" won't take forever.
im willing to ride the rollercoaster with him, because i love him, and when you love someone, you fight to stay with them.
and by taking this ride, and being there for him, that shows that im worth it... right?
i wish i felt worth it.
i wish i felt anything at all really.
i shit out 5 pounds of food today, and with that went all my emotions, every feeling ive ever felt before in my life, every ounce of happiness, sadness, anger, everything.
but empty is a better feeling than having the weight of the world in my stomach, and much better than being depressed.
im not depressed.
there aren't words for this. its so much worse.
its nothing and everything at the same time.
ana is eating my soul, and im serving it to her on a silver platter.