it's 3pm and i've only had 335 calories today :)

i was planning on having some soup (30) with vegetables (50) and some more beans (140), which would bring my total to 520… i might just have the soup… or just the beans, for protein… or just coffee… :/ now i’m all sad again.

also, this looks exactly like my old friend and i, she always had crazy air, and i always tried to dress like her but looked weird standing next to her, but we were bffles and i miss her to death :'(

she used to have a blog on here, but she deleted it when we stopped talking :''(

as promised :)

it ended up being 52 hours because i didn't wake up until 8, didn't eat until 9.
i broke my fast with peanut butter, my roommate's, because i have no food except dried beans, and while i was waiting for them to cook i had a spoon of peanut butter :)
i have literally nothing after those beans and the one bag of popcorn are gone. i'm trying to stretch it out until thursday night, when i go home. i am so excited to go home because there will be food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaa :D
anyway...
um... today i feel rested. a little dizzy from the fasting and because i probably didn't drink enough water, and also because cigarettes make me dizzy sometimes. anybody else get dizzy while smoking, or is it just me?
bleh :)
so now i'm just chillin in the library, sippin on some water.
i'm reading wintergirls. part of me wants to fast until i'm done with this book. i think that is a genius idea. but then i will be more likely to binge when i go home... so idk.
maybe i'll do that with the next book i read.

lol when i'm at the library, and i have to use the restroom, i turn on my webcam and put this up on my laptop cuz im too lazy to pack all my stuff up especially if i'm just gonna come back to this same spot :p hehehe

yesterday fasting went amazing. i'm on hour 34 right now :) woo
the hunger high is kicking in. maybe i'll get re-addicted this time, and then the binge addiction will go the fuck away?
meh.
anywhooo
i am distracting myself with homework >:D skinny and smart what what
>:D

i want to fast today. i want to workout today. should i save my workout for a day when i eat, or should i save my fast for another day?

technically i could do both but i dont want to work out hardcore and not replenish my muscles and such. i worked too hard to gain the muscle mass back that i lost when i got really unwell last time.
but i really want to fast and lay around on my fat lazy ass all day because i walked for two hours yesterday for cigarettes AND went to a rave party didnt get home until 4am, on top of a hardcore workout i did yesterday morning............ needless to say i am tired, and i should probably take a "rest day" and eat tons of protein.
problem is, i dont have any protein at all, unless popcorn has protein... so i might just fast and let my muscles rest. i might go for a walk later or something, walk to the library and hang out in there for a bit. i love the library. except i know for a fact i will be in there all day everyday this week, mon-thurs. and i dont have any homework really. i could go work on my novel?

sorry if it seems like i am ranting, i feel kind of on a cloud right now and i am trying to organize my thoughts. lol i smoked a lot of weed at the rave last night. my friend johnny was one of the DJs, and there were a lot of drugs at that place, like omg. this guy i knew there gave me x. it was ok, but i didnt get to take enough for the full effects, but i guess that is a good thing. dont wanna have a bad first trip :p he was on a lot of shrooms, as well... the whole thing was just funny because i was the most sober person there, and i was high and on ecstasy, holding a beer, bobbing my head to some of dj johnny's dubstep :)
OH and i didnt feel very fat last night but its probably because i walked and exercised so much and i wore a huge tee shirt. i had the munchies like a mofo though haha

anyways, i think i have decided to just fast today and take a nice shower and paint my nails and do girly-myself-time stuff today. and i downloaded wintergirls on .pdf so i want to read that as well. (i might take a trip to the library to read, and then i'll get like 30 min. total of walking exercise, which is ok for fasting)

ok so i hope everyone is doing ok, i know some of you are struggling at the moment, and i just want to say i love you :)

*************EDIT***********

i'm doing a 50 hour fast.
last time i ate was around 4:30-5:00 am, so i’m on hour 8. no solids until 7am on tuesday. i will drink water, coffee, tea, clear broth, etc. if i work out monday i will have a protein shake.
i’m gonna be doing the whole tally mark thing on my arm too, to keep me motivated. i’ll take a picture when i’m done. anyone wants to join, let me know :)

so it's friday night. i have all my homework done. and now i'm just sitting on my ass on my laptop refreshing my tumblr dashboard and wishing i had friends who gave a shit :/
bleh. i really should have gone home this weekend but i dont want to binge again (even though i had like 1600 calories today) and the guy i got high with last night (my bf's friend) is dj-ing tomorrow night and i wanna go. the only bad thing is i don't want to go alone, but i have no one to go with me............................

what i need to do tonight:

• shower (and shave my legs :p)
• paint toenails
• print my poem for class
• read

what i wanted to do tonight:

• workout
• smoke weed
• drink lots of vodka
• talk to people

what im currently doing:

• eating beans
• watching inception
• tumbling
• chipping the polish off my nails

plan: drink 8 glasses of water before i go to bed tonight, wake up at 8 tomorrow, cardio for an hour, protein shake, long walk in the nature trails, lunch if i can find food (without money…), water fasting the rest of the day, maybe take a nap… such is the life of someone with shitty friends who don't give a fuck :/

this was almost exactly 3500 calories. i had it in and out in a little over an hour, and this was just the first of three binges. it included the pizza, candy bar, a big peanut butter cup cookie, some oreos, some ritz crackers, a bowl of ramen, and half a box of cookie crisp cereal, and also a protein shake cuz it was chocolate flavored :)i dont regret this binge, just the other two, which were basically ramen, crackers, water and beans...

so i walked all over campus with jake's old friend jonny and he got me high and i ate popcorn and watched inception.
and the rest of the weekend i will be in the library. or the gym.
plan for today: already had breakfast (140) might possibly fast the rest of the day or have a protein shake or something. after my binge yesterday i seriously have only dried beans, some quinoa, and frozen veggies, and one packet of popcorn left...
so yeah.
oh! i have a starbucks giftcard...... idk what the hell i would get there, everything is loaded with sugar... maybe a green tea. i haven't had green tea in a long time.
bleh.
okay time to go to the library and read for my classes and work on my novel and look up thinspo and basically be a hobo :) i love the library #thisiswhyihavenofriendslol

i just spent the last four fucking hours bingeing and purging because im fucking bored and i have no friends and people i thought were my friends had plans but then ditched me at the last fucking minute so i was like fuck everybody i spent twenty bucks that i dont have on food and i threw it all fucking up and then right as im getting out the shower my "best" friend asks if i want to hang out so i get all excited and ask him where to meet him i get ready to go in like 2 seconds which is basically IMPOSSIBLE for me, i get halfway to his dorm and he texts me "oh well nvm you cant come with us"
......................................
I AM GOING TO FUCKING BREAK THINGS.
:'(
i dont want new friends, my old friends were perfect, i dont understand why they're being so mean to me all of a sudden.
so now im sitting here crying with makeup all over my face, i have to wash my face fucking AGAIN and put pajamas back on, i wasted makeup and lotion for nothing :’( i just want more food.