weight?!?!

so im 151??
*gets off scale, gets back on*
151, right?
stupid dial needle thing scale.
i';; go with 152, just to be safe.

so ive miraculously lost 9 pounds since my first day of college.
and i honestly do not know how, because i was a pig last week.
thank you laxatives.
i can be bulimic in more secrecy this way. its not the same as purging, but it will work for now.
i just havent felt like throwing up lately. i havent done it in months.
i havent even really binged in months, just some days i eat way too much.
i need to get more diet pills.
i feel very odd today.
not happy by any means, but not totally hopeless i guess.
its fucking hilarious how the scale can change my whole fucking outlook on life and the world.
fuck.

plan for next week: avoid food at all costs, try to sleep some (since i was awake for almost 4 days straight), and go to the gym like im supposed to instead of getting there and being a pussy bitch about it.