what else is new.
start over tomorrow.
first day of march, last day of bingeing.
this months plan:
-plan at least 4 fast days a week and stick to it
-on eating days, i will not go over 500 calories
-exercise at least 3 days a week, preferably on eating days
-must burn every calorie consumed and then some
-start drinking water again, because dehydration sucks ass
-reintroduce myself to moisturizing skin lotion
doesnt seem too bad. its not how i used to do, but its closer than my life right now seems to be. hmmm... idk how much i weigh. i weighed myself like 2 weeks ago and cried and havent checked it since. im not going to look until i fast for 2 days at least.
ive been watching lots of ed-related shows/movies on youtube lately. they are helping me stay distracted. i think thats what i will do from now on.
yay for online tv, especially since i have no cable or on demand tv.
oh, the wonders of the world wide web. where would i be without you?
i want to say this really quick before i go run with my ana buddy.
to all you girls and/or guys who read my blog and find some sort of inspiration, here's the deal: no matter how much you have fucked up in the past, no matter how much ice cream you have binged on, or how many times you've thrown up, or how many times you've taken more than 30 laxatives at a time, there will be a brighter day. we can do this. every single one of you has had at least one good day in the past. keep that day in your memory. dont let it slip away. if you've had at least one good day before, then there's no doubt that you can have many more days in the future. everyone fucks up, were all human beings wuith raging hormones and exuberant desires, and especially if you have this type of relationship with food, youre almost guaranteed to have days where you vacuum every morsel of any type of food in sight, but know his: if you havent failed yet, then you are not trying hard enough. if you have failed multiple times, that only means that your one of the strongest persons out there, that means that at least you are still trying and you havent given up yet.
to anyone working towards a goal of any type, whether it be weight loss, or trying to find yourself, or even eating disorder recovery, know that no matter what happens, if you have slipped up a few times, it is going to be ok. the road will be long and it will be bumpy, but we can all make it through this.
for all the girls who want to be perfect, we will get there. i believe in us. i believe that we can all be whoever we want to be, and if you want to be skinny, thin, delicate, beautiful, perfectly dainty and tiny and shrink your body into a waif, then let's go. there is no better time to start over than right now. lets throw our binge stash in the garbage right now, and vow as of right now to be stronger. we can use our past mistakes to teach us how to be stronger in the future.
sorry for the rant, i just thought we all might need to be encouraged and i know some of you are struggling, i do read your blogs, i just dont always know what to say, but ive been thinking about you guys alot and i really wish everyone the best. i know we can do this. no day but today.
stay strong lovelies <333
ps, my bestie and i are going to start going to oa meetings starting wednesday. no more bingeing!