Friday, January 22, 2010


i hate that boyfriends think that taking a girl out to eat should be the perfect date.
i guess it would be if i was normal, but the whole time i had to pretend like it was the best thing ever when inside i was dying.

and eating, even a little bit, turns into bingeing.

i would much rather fast, but tomorrow my uncle is having a cookout for my cousin who is going to boot camp...
fuck the war in iraq.

fuck me for being selfish enough to make a family occasion seem like the end of the world.
i hate being selfish, but when it comes to this kind of thing, i really, truly cannot help it.
i wish i could just be like oh yes i'll eat for you and totally forget about my wants/needs/desires for a minute, but i cant do that.

it has taken over my brain.

and right now, its telling me to finish the rest of the box of captain crunch i've been munching on for the past ten minutes.

and now the box is empty...

1 comment:

  1. It's always eat or don't eat, never in between. It's okay, we'll get better at this. We will, I promise.
    It sucks that your cousin has to go to war. Not to be a huge fucking liberal, but it really is a pointless war, for no reason. -endpoliticalrant-
    At least you have a boyfriend.

    And see, even though the box is empty, it's a good thing. Because all the bad is gone. And now you can focus on the good, and making yourself feel good again.
    :] Stay strong honey.