Saturday, September 19, 2009

vicious cycle

*open fridge, close fridge*
*open freezer, close freezer*
*open pantry, close pantry*
*open fridge, close fridge*
*open freezer, close freezer*
*open pantry, close pantry*
*open fridge, close fridge*
*open freezer, close freezer*
*open pantry, close pantry*
*open fridge, close fridge*
*open freezer, close freezer*
*open pantry, close pantry*
*binge*
*sleep*
*wake up, repeat*
*12 stool softeners*

gained: 6 pounds.

birthday goal: to not kill myself.
this week's goal: find 149 again, if possible.

goodbye, low numbers.

"hello, mr. heartache, i've been expecting you.
come in, and wear your welcome out, the way you always do.
you never say if you're here to stay, or only passing through,
so hello, mr. heartache, i've been expecting you."

wait a minute, at the start of this week, i was 157 ish. now i'm 155.. so technically, i lost 2 pounds, right?

3 comments:

  1. Seeing you removed my comments from before I can only assume you're in denial of reality, and since I can't bear to watch someone destroy themselves I'm removing your blog from my list.

    Maybe you need to see a therapist, but some are better than others, and the worst ones judge you will the better ones just listen. Whatever internal frustration you have, it's not going to solve itself by abusing your physical body. If you look at my blog you'll see posts where I'm depressed, anxious and unhappy. Those were the times when I was on binging/starving cycles...it's no coincidence that this behaviour impacts you in a negative way.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope you recover soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. sunshine,

    i know that cycle well. You are safe as long as you dont leave the house and do the same with shops. That gets expensive.

    I wish I could do something to break the cycle for you like try to click my fingers (which I am bad at - It hardly ever makes a sound, why is that?!) but all I can suggest is kicking the fridge and screaming and listening to music REALLY LOUD until the thoughts are swallowed by lyrics.

    When is your birthday?

    Sending love from Paris x x

    ReplyDelete
  3. There is an international vicious cycle epidemic circulating this fortnight. It's hard, isn't it? How about listening to Miley Cyrus songs. That might drive you insane, but it will put you off your food...

    Happy Birthday (for whenever it actually is). Don't kill yourself, if you did, then I'd explode by 31250783260723 kilograms. It's a selfish motivation, even I'll admit that.

    ReplyDelete