like you don't even know. But in a god way? Like... I slept for 12 hours last night, and still felt really titred. Then I literally chugged 2 pots of coffee. TWO POTS! I've never had that much coffee before. Needless to say, people thought I had taken speed before school Lol. But yeah then a few hours later I stood up and it was like everything from my old routine came right back to me: I stand up when the class bell rings, almost faint but don't, then walk to my next class out of pure memory because I can't really see anything because I'm convinced I'm half-unconscious from being so light-headed.
I love this part. It's my favorite part of all. Like I'm a fairie, or a ghost, something from some otherworld unknown to mortal humans.
Yes, immortal describes it perfectly :] I could do this forever.
152 pounds today. I'm right on track to being 147 if I keep losing a pound a day until Monday. I honestly have no clue what I will do if I see any number below 150. I'll be so happy. I've never weighed that in my whole entire life. This is probably the best thing I have ever experienced in my whole life.
We had to write a college admissions essay for english class, and I worte about being determined and strong-willed due to the effects of mean nasty children in elementary school.
I wrote about how I was swinging on the playground one day in 3rd grade, and the chains from the swing dug into my stomach because I was so big, and my favorite new shirt was already too tight, and so the chains made nasty stains on my new shirt and I was sad. And then, I tried to get out of the swing but I was stuck. And nobody ever swung next to me because I was fat, and so nobody was there to help me. I struggled to get out of the swing for like ten whole minutes and then I looked up and saw three of the pretty popular girls laughing their fucking asses off at me becaue "The fat girl got stuck in the swing again!!!"
I remember that night like it was fucking last night. It stuck with me all this time.
I went home, skipped dinner, and cried myself to sleep.
I was only like 10 years old, I didn't know that the food my family bought was the reason I was fat. But then, growing up with an entire family full of southern-conservative-baptists, who would know right from wrong? I had been brainwashed to think that greasy bacon and huge burgers with waaaaayyyyy too much extra cheese, and eating half of a whole fucking cake was normal, but it's not normal. It's not healthy. And realising that is the reason why I'm vegan now, and partly why I starve myself.
The other part has to do with control/trust/other issues I have with food, people, the world, my mom, etc...
I won't get into details about that, but yeah that's what I worte my essay on. And how it impacted me to lose 60 pounds and how that has made me a stronger person.
My teacher really liked it alot. I got an A on it :]
Good news! I'm 152, and I got my senior pictures back! I'll post those as soon as I get them uploaded!
Good luck to all my pretty girls and boys <333