party's over

i ate too much
spaghetti and brownies today
BUT i will fast tomorrow. i have two laxatives left. i don't think i am going to take them because idk when i will be able to get more because i am home for christmas and idk when mom is gonna be going to walmart :/
but when she does all this junk will be out of me.
in the meantime all i can really do is fast tomorrow. i'm thinking i'll just do a liquids only fast.
stick to my 700 calories a day, liquids only, including juice, coffee, tea, clear soup, diet soda (but probably not because i haven't had soda in a while) and that's about all we have to drink here other than of course water. i need to drink water more, i haven't done that in a loooooong time :/ but oh wells.

we decorated the tree today :] and i made way too many brownies and cupcakes and cookies :p ughhh but it's all in christmas spirit, and with my family here, they are already halfway gone, and by tomorrow evening, if they aren't gone, i'll just flush them down the toilet.
i haven't had to flush food down the toilet in so long that the idea of that seems downright retarded.
but then, i also miss the stealth of it and the feeling of pulling the wool over my mom's eyes.
hence therefore, i shall be flushing alot of food over the next few weeks.

and i will NOT be a binge monster. no no no! i refuse.
i must get to 140 by new year's.

i realize i have been rambling.
i do not care lol
umm... what else....

i had to take christmas pictures with my mom and my brother today at the beach with santa hats. it was freezing. i was made to wear white, and therefore looked fat. but only in my stomach. the rest of me looked pretty damn good if i do say so myself. especially my face. i can't believe how much weight i have lost in my face its so amazing.

except i can almost guarantee that tomorrow i will feel all bloaty and gross.
but that is ok because i have my DDR and also tae bo and i will be rocking the fuck out of DDR tomorrow. i really wanted to do some today but i was gone all day with pictures and then the tree and now i just feel like blahhhh and i want to sleep :/ sleeping is the last thing you're supposed to do after eating alot of sweets :'( and i read somewhere that sugar before bed gives you crazy dreams and nightmares.
which is like exactly what i need right more reasons to have nightmares :p ugh

so, tomorrow will include at least 2 hours of DDR and lots of coffee/tea and maybe some soup and some juice for energy and then i will read a book and i also brought my paint so i could also create a masterpiece tomorrow if i wish but in no way shape or form will tomorrow include solid foods.

how will you make your sunday a good day?

145!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lowest weight since last january :D
thanks to felicia, dylphe, the other heather, adrienne, morgan, impractical shopper, lilah lee, charlie, scarlett, and miana for comments on my love life :D and you guys are awesome!!!!!!!!


mom is making us take christmas pictures today :p mehhh
at least im sexy :D

(go check out my thinspo site: starvingthinspo.blogspot.com)

tehehe

hedder has a boyfriend :]]

IM DYING HERE!!!

so he likes me he told me he likes me and that he is really really happy right now and i was like meeee tooooo wink wink nudge nudge hint hint but he still hasnt asked me to be his gf gaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh just do it nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww lol
xDDD isn't he fucking adorable?!?!?! XDive eaten too much this week, still alot less than 'normal' whatever the hell that is, but too much for me but actually right now i do not even care because im wearing his huge hoodie and he thinks i look adorable in it and i CAN NOT STOP SMILING LIKE THIS:
did i mention he's an animal? tehehe rawrrrr xD i gots bruises and hickeys everywheres:

druuuuuuuuuuuunk

asss fucccccccccccck
hahaha
mr adorable: we k=made out :D go check blog i is too druck to typre lol i aplogize xDDD
i love you guys
btqw i feel like i lost 10 pounds this wweek, so, its been a aweosme week :D

<333 stay sexy :D

:D

me- "wanna know a secret?"
mr. adorable- "what is it? :)"
me- "i sorta kinda maybe likes you :D tehe"
mr. adorable- "tehe i sorta kinda maybe likes you too :D"

annnd that pretty much describes how my whole day/night/next day went :]


so my fasting all week has paid off maybe? finally??
thanks everyone for comments i loves you all!!!
<3<3<3

another good day, and it just even started :D

roommate and i went to her love interest's dorm last night.

his roommate is ADORABLE!!!

it was like 5am, i had fallen asleep, roomie was asleep with her guy, and mr. adorable goes "do you want to stay here?"

im half asleep so i dont answer

"or i could walk you back to your dorm?"

me- "only if you stay"

:D

who's a genius???

so he stayed the night and it was awkward because were both sort of awkward and then so were just laying there talking about nothing and he falls asleep but i cant because my heart was beating faster than african bongo drums on speed, and he put his arm around me :D

and this morning when he left to go to class he hugged me :]

so, i guess that means he likes me?

cuz ive been trying to figure it out for like a week and a half... he gives me cigarettes, he tickles me, he scared the shit out of me last night when i walked out of the bathroom, he walks me home sometimes, and then he stayed the night.... thats a yes right?

sooo... what do i do now? i mean... i dont wanna say anything just in case im completely wrong but...

i think i really like him :D hes so fucking cute xDDD

fasted for 40 hours :D breakin fast right now with coffee and a pop tart :] i think my heart beat so fast last night that i already burned off these calories xD

eeeeeeeeeeee

<3<3<3<3