Thursday, May 28, 2009

Yesterday, I ate a small bite out of a muffin. I feel so bad. :( But today was really good. I had my 50 calories of v8 juice this morning, 70 calories of soymilk, and I just finished my favorite new treat, a popsicle, sugar free, with only 10 calories! That's only 130 calories! And I had weight training class, and I had to walk for 45 minutes from my bus stop, which burned anywhere from 170 to 300 calories!!! Yay :DDD So now I'm at a deficit. It's always good to end the day on a deficit. That means I get to work less hard tomorrow. Except, if I work really hard tomorrow, I get an even bigger deficit. When there's 3500 calories of deficit, I lose a pound of fat :DDD Go me :D
Except, I almost passed out today in weight training class. I got really dizzy again. But oh well. I think I'm going to do squats today too. I want to tone my body as well, not just let it eat itself away. Well.. maybe eventually, when I lose enough to be really skinny, so I can see my beautiful bones, but that won't be for a while because I'm so overweight. I hope it doesn't take too long though. Maybe by the end of summer I can be my goal at a size 5!! And hopefully be down to like 150 pounds at the most. I just have to keep exercising, and keep starving. Liek the title says, I'm starving myself pretty, and I won't stop untill I get there. I don't know how long that will be. I do know that I'm telling all my friends that my goals are 150 lbs/size 5, but honestly, I want to be like 140 or less, maybe even a size zero one day. I've never been a size zero in my life... I wonder what it feels like... I really hope one day I will find out because right now my body sucks and its fat and gross and it jiggles when I walk and my stomach is so huge and round and chubby and jello-y and it jiggles like santa clause only worse ughhhhhhh
No, I won't think of that. Only the beauty that lies beneath all that. I can hear her in there screaming to break herself free from this horrid lard that engulfs her. She's suffocating, and it's my job to dig her out. I will carve away all of this disgusting flab and let her be free, and show the world her beauty. Right now this flab is squishing her, drowning her in its squishy juices. Nobody can see her beautiful body, her clean and pure and little bones, because she is stuck beneath all of this nastiness that has become me. Don't worry , I know you're in there. I'll set you free.

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