Thursday, August 25, 2011

torn between three poems:

Little Brother.

When the monsters in the shadows make you hide in fright

And the sounds they make scare you and keep you up at night

When the voices yell above you and you have to plug your ears

Or turn the music louder to drown out your worst fears

When the giggles make you crazy and their cooties make you sick

And even when you think their pretty but don’t know which one to pick

When the pressure overwhelms you and you feel you need a friend

Or just anyone to talk to, I’ll be with you until the end.

When the world leaves you stranded, abandoned, and alone

I’ll be there even when I’m far away; just call me on the phone.

I love you more than words can say, and we’ll always have each other.

You’ll always be my superman, my only little brother.



A little girl is dancing with me; light, happy, free and frail,

Empty enough to face the world; she holds my hand so I won’t fail.

There’s yelling again, and she covers my ears, and tells me everything will be ok soon,

But still, a hungry shadow envelopes me; the mirror shows me a fat red balloon,

And my heart beats faster, harder. So I curl up and try to sleep

But the feeling in my stomach won’t let me keep

My cool. Everything bites at me, eats at my nerves, so I yell back,

Knowing it won’t fix anything. I have to get back on track.

The emptiness is gone now, taken over by my gluttonous mind

That won’t stop reeling. I cannot see anymore; my tears make me blind.

I can’t see, only feel, and oh do I feel too much for my skeleton to stand.

Emotions like electric current flood me, shocking the little girl. She drops my hand.

There are too many feelings. I feel too alive.

They try to control my existence. I’m scared. I want to run and hide.

I need to dull the sadness and heal, or at least numb the pain.

So I fill myself too full, the only way to feel empty again.

That’s when the fat ugly monster rears to chase the little girl away.

I want to fight the beast for her, but he shrinks the balloon, and dims it to gray.

The little girl is frightened, in hiding, but she’ll come back. She always will.

But she makes the grotesque monster angry, so she waits always just until

We’re dancing in sweet starvation again. This is when the monster strikes the worst.

But I love the monster’s numbing peace, and yet I live for the little girl’s endless curse.



i am not myself, i am not this person.
this body, face, and hair,that is mine,
but it is also not mine at all.
i have gone away, vacation to nowhere,
someone else is filling in while i am out,
feeding my pets for me so they don’t go hungry.
she forgets to feed them.
i don’t know where i am, i dont know who this ‘me’ is.
her lips say my words
or rather, my lips speak her words.
and she drinks all my fucking vodka.

pick yo favorite! these are seriously the only three out of a million that make sense. i went through like 17 notebooks, i think? anyway, most of the poems i have written were in like middle school so they were extremely corny-emo like "my mommy hates me i cut my wrist my grandpa died he wouldn't take me with him waahh" i literally LOL'ed at most of them. in one of my journals i wrote "i really just want to kill myself before people start labeling me an emo kid, that is the last thing i want to be" while i wrote it with my bangs covering my face, my dark eyelines, my hundred bracelets, my emo music in the background lol that was pre-goth heather, before i knew what drugs were lol... now im just normal ish on the outside. bleh. i feel cracked out today.


(i love you guys!)

(especially peri :D)

(but everyone else tooo)

1 comment:

  1. I really like the 2nd one, only because I have a little brother too, and I completely identify with it. It's so sweet! Curse is good too, darker, serious, more honest and personal. Hope you can choose one.