Sunday, February 8, 2009

so, since ive created this site i lost three pounds, but im pretty sure i gained them back because i ate so much pizza the other day omg. i felt so gross afterwards it was horrible.
then yesterday, i did really really good untill i got to my friend's house and she was like "EAT SOMETHING!!!!!" so i ate a salad and then her mom made soup and they all ate at the table and i had no excuse for not eating some so i ate a little. it was actually really good though and i watched her make it im pretty sure it was healthy it was even vegan.
but then today got here and there was a choir recital thing and after we left my family was like eat cake so i ate cake.
starting tomorrow, no food for three days.
liquids only.
no cheating, no excuses this time.
i have to get this under control its like my body has a mind of its own. its so hard to resist that first bite and after that its like i go insane with this crazed eating frenzy of doom and i dont stop untill i feel like im going to puke everything inside of me onto my feet.
but unfortunately, ive never been able to make myself puke.
my boyfriend told me i have no gag reflexes. he said it was a good thing.
fuck that.
i wish i could eat and throw it all up after.
but thats disgusting and its easier to just resist the first bite.

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