Hey all you bloggers! Well, nobody will read this, but in the event that someone does:
my name is heather. i have an eating disorder and have for a while, and don't intend to stop. i don't exactly love it, but i do embrace it as if it were a best friend, a lover, a soulmate. and i love her more than my own life. it has taught me many things, how to control myself, how to stick to something instead of giving up. i have a long journey to go, and this blog is in hopes that maybe i can reach my ultimate goal: to be beautiful. i want more than anything in the world to be thin and fit and pretty and for someone to look at me and say "wow, she's really beautiful". at my highest my weight has been at like 215. i know, *puke* i was gross. i'm not telling where i'm at now, or what my ultimate goal weight is, because this blog is going to be anonymous. i don't have anyone i can talk to about ana, nobody who even would understand, so i hope this can be a way to vent everyday things and maybe inspire myself to do better, to try harder.
so without further ado..............
i went all day, no food... i'm waiting on my mom to ask me the questions "what have you eaten today? what did you have for dinner?" yeah she goes on and on sometimes, and sometimes she doesn't even notice. i gave up caring more than to make up excuses. or if she's really bugging me, i'll grab something, a bagel, or pizza, take a huge bite out of it and stomp away...then spit t out in the trash when she isn't looking.
but today was very successful and all i had to drink was water and a homemade frappuccino made with ice soymilk and cappuccino powder(fat free, sugar free, only 45 calories per serving). and after yeaterday, man did i need today to be a good one. i ate like a fucking pregnant cow. a fat gross cow who ate fucking pizza, trail mix, chips, and later, a veggie burger.... ughhhhhh it was horrible. i felt so bad.
i think i have a combination of anorexia (minus the underweight part) and bed. which is super weird. but i'm getting so much better at the bingeing part yesterday was the first time in a long time. i feel like after today, tomorrow will be easy. no binges, no weight :DD happy heather! yay.