yay

So I haven't posted in a while, and I'm really sorry, but nobody reads this anyways, so whatever. Anyways, today will be the seventh day that I haven't eaten any food. I've been liquid fasting for the whole week, and guess what?!?!?! I'm down to 170!!!! I really haven't been this little since sixth grade, and I'm a junior now. Go me :D
the only problem is, today I'm going out with my boyfriend, and he ALWAYS wants to get food, but it won't be untill after 5 ish so I'll just tell him I ate dinner already. I'm going to the mall with my best friend ever and I'll just say I got something from the food court :D
I think my family has noticed that I haven't been eating right, even though I'm hiding food in the trash can, and down the toilet, and all that stuff... But oh well because I don't care :D
I feel so empty. I love this. I remember in like freshman year I used to feel empty, but for other reasons, and I hated it. I hated being fat and gross and weird and my grandpa dieing, and not having any real friends and it just sucked.
But this empty, I could get used to this. I fucking love it. It's like if I really wanted to, I maybe could walk on water.
Maybe.
No, not quite. I'm still fat. But not for long!
Hey, best friend, after we each lose ten pounds, we should go to dairy queen, order one small bilzzard and one small fry, and split it. Just for celebration :)
fasting has helped me realize that no, I don't need to be fat. I don't need food. I don't always have to be gross. I can see a new self. Last night I dreamed I was on the runway, with perfect bones and I was so beautiful. At first, I could never imagine myself skinny, because I've never been there, but gradually the peices of my new body are taking shape in my mind. I cannot wait to be beautiful.