meh.

I ate yesterday. About 425 cals total. I ate one really huge strawberry. Then I mowed the lawn. Then after thirty minutes of that I felt like I was gonna pass out. So I decided it may be helpful to eat something... So I ate a sandwhich with the leftover tofu from the other day (225 cals). Then I finished mowing. After that, I decided well I might as well eat some more since I blew my fast. But right before I began thinking of all the food I was going to eat, I told myself I would not binge. I didn't want my total to go over 500 calories for today. So I ate a veggie burger (200 cals). Then I took four laxatives instead of the usual two, made more thinspo collages in the back of my journal, did some exercises (150 crunches, 50 leg lifts each leg, 25 lunges each leg, 50 squats, and lifted weights 50 times) I decided that should have been enough to burn most of what I ate off, because mowing the lawn for an hour and a half burns about 500 calories. I hope that worked... I really can't afford to gain any weight. I'm going to be 160 by next Friday. That's only six pounds I have to lose, and if I fast for most of the week, it shouldn't be too hard. The only day I most likely will have to eat is Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Monday I'm hanging out with my boyfriend (duh, he's always hungry). Tuesday I'm going to babysit my little brother for my mom to work, and I promised him I would make homemade pizza (and I'm making it vegan). Then Wednesday my best friend is going to buy sushi, which I have never tried, so I might not even like it, so I may not have to eat it. Other than those three times, I won't be eating at all this week. I'm thinking Thursday and Friday are going to be water fast days, and I"m going to the track hopefully today, Tuesday, Wednesday, and maybe Thursday and Friday. I'm upping my running laps from one to two after this week. And no food today! Just tanning and exercise!
But oh my god I have to share my laxative story... The first time I used this brand, I took two, but I hadn't eaten alot really. I took it before bed, and when I woke up, I was in the bathroom for like an hour, with what seemed to be a volcanoe in my ass. It was really crazy, but I didn't gain any weight from eating, so I didn't care. Then the next day I used them again because I ate that day too, but I only took two, and I barely went to the bathroom at all. But after last night, I took four, because I was ashamed at how much I had eaten in so little time, and then I went to bed. At around three o'clock this morning, I woke up with the worst stomach pains ever. I was in the bathroom for about an hour, with my volcanoe, but it was different. I was really dizzy, and light-headed, and then it got really cold, and I was sweating. My skin felt really really clammy, and I couldn't see straight. But after it stopped, I went back to bed. Then I woke up around ten, went to the bathroom again, twice, and I didn't feel sick anymore. But it scared me. I thought my internal organs were going to squeeze themselves out of my ass, and that I was going to die on the toilet, just like Elvis. I cannot die looking like this. If I was 120, or even 130, then maybe it would be worth it to die, but not like this. They would have to give me one of those extra large caskets because I probably wouldn't be able to fit inside a regular one. But anyways, I feel back to normal now, and I will never take four laxatives ever again. Ever. My limit will be two. I do not like being icy cold and sweating at the same time. It's not my typical idea of fun.
Stay strong girls!
<3