fasting saturday for yom kippur? i b/p twice just before sundown today lol it counts okay no food from sundown to sundown okay it fucking counts lololol

4095 calories in and out in 45 minutes.

i even threw up some of my lunch. what am i becoming?

oh well, i have some movies and some vodka and mommy is coming to pick me up in the morning to take me back to la-la-land for the weekend.

Girl, Interrupted. Black Swan. Hannibal.
WIN.

omg i did ecstasy xD
would have been ten bazillion times better with jake though :(

he apologized. at first i was all sad and like wahhh im a slut wahhhh

and now
i really just wanna use it to my advantage
and have sex with everyone >:D

/......................ok i am a slut w/e

i think
i did a lot of things last night
that i regret
but i don't remember
i just had a really long dream
and woke up naked
at least i was in my own bed
:''(

awesome day. 120 calories of protein from eggs and egg whites. tea, water, coffee.
lifted weights today, burned 900 calories total from walking back and forth to class.

drinking later wiff some peoples.
ohhh yeahhhhhhhh

need to catch up on you guys, i miss you :(

fuck i binged.
BUT! i didn't purge.
except then mom wanted to take me to dairy queen before she dropped me off at my dorm, since we didn't really do anything for my birthday, and i already had like 3000 calories today so i was like meh wwutevaa and i got this huuuge ice cream thing that was a little over 1000 calories and when i realized i had eaten over 4000 calories and not purged, i tried to as soon as i got here, and i got like maybe half a cup full of vomit -______________- i was like.. seriously.. seriously... ugh
HOWEVER
i promised myself this morning when i woke up i would go to the campus gym today.
AND I DID
and i lifted heavy weights, heavier than i ever have and that made me proud. and also because i’m the only girl in there ever who actually lifts weights… and there definitely were people there bigger than me, and this one girl reminded me of my former self from like 3 years ago (i was 215) and she was GETTING IT on the elliptical and i wanted to get some pompoms and cheer her on!!!!! lol..
i didn’t burn as many calories as i planned to, but i did more today than i usually do when i go to the gym. i lifted weights for 40 minutes and then 45 minutes on the crosstrainer thing and burned like 1000 calories total, so i am pretty proud of myself :)

im seriously the only girl in the gym who looks like a drowning rat from sweat who lifts 50lb weights and all the other girls are running on the treadmill with their skinny-fat flapping in the wind. like… seriously? i could kick you guys’s asses >:)

i do miss doing the crosstrainer for hours though, cardio is nice. i don't think my heart would have been able to handle it after this weekend though, but i do want to work myself up to more cardio so my heart will be ok maybe....

ok so goals for the week:

• lift weights at least 3 times (full body, 3 sets of 15 reps).
• burn at least 3500 calories in cardio (700calories/day, 5 days).
• have protein after every. single. workout.
  

supposed to be fasting tomorrow. might take a rest day tomorrow, might not. the rule is, if i workout, i HAVE to have protein afterwards, so i might possibly just tell my body “use all that fat you have for fuel goddammit i will feed your muscles to you when you’re done!!!!” and ONLY eat the protein after i workout...
ha.. anyway.. imma drink my bedtime tea and watch war of the worlds, and try to sleep eventually :) <3

I AM FUCKING BACK MOTHERFUCKERS! (oh and i will be posting some of my collages on here sometime this week)