HA!

Take that! Here's what I did:
rode bike to the track- 30 minutes
walked 4 laps- 20 minutes
ran up and down stairs- 10 minutes
ran lap- 5 minutes
ran up and down more stairs- 5 minutes
ran another lap- 5 minutes
ran up and down stairs- 10 minutes
walked another 4 laps- 20 minutes
rode bike home- 30 minutes
And I rested for 5 minutes in between each segment. Longest workout I've ever done in my life.
I'm a beast. :) I burned almost 2000 calories, in three hours :))
And I don't feel like bingeing anymore. In fact, my mom made pizza, which usually I would be hovering over like a hawk either scarfing down the whole thing and making another one, or goggling over with my drool dripping all over it. But here's the thing: I have been vegan for only three weeks, and already it makes me want to vomit just smelling the stuff. I mean, honestly, I can smell the cheese, and this time, it smells kind of... sour. Not to mention when I looked at it, it was all shiny from the grease. That's just disgusting. That oil turns into fat on your body, and it jiggles like jello when you walk. That alone is enough to keep me from inhaling it in one bite. Well, that and the fact that they make cheese out of cow placenta. I mean really, who wants to eat placenta?!?!! That's like shoving your face up a cow's vagina and going "nom nom nom nom!!!!"
Ew.
So, yes, I conquered a binge!!!! Hoo-ray! I don't think it's ever been that bad before, the urge I mean. I was literally in tears, goggling at the peanut butter, wanting to eat every singly particle in the jar. But instead, I drank a whole bottle of water, and worked my ass off in the hot sun for three hours. And I feel fantastic. I feel as strong as Mr. Clean :) He's got some awesome muscles. For a guy, I mean. I would never want to look like him eeeew. Lol.
So, no food for the rest of today, no calories tomorrow, and hopefully none on Thursday untill nighttime. It's my three months anniversary with my boyfriend, and because he loves food so much, and because I found low calorie, whole weat pasta, I'm making a spaghetti picnic for us in the park. Complete with candles, garlic bread, and instead of wine, soy smoothies :) I know, it's all mushy-lovey and stuff, but hey, what else am I gonna do with all this free time? Besides exercise three hours a day and update mydailyplate and my blogger constantly... I have a whole plan of what I'm doing every second of every minute on Thursday, all typed up, and ready for me to follow. That's what I do instead of eat food, I make lists. Lol.
But I think that comes with my OCD, because I have always made lists... of everything... what colors match together, how many calories you burn doing virtually any type of physical activity, every food under 50 calories.. yeah. Anyways, I feel like I'm rambling, but it's keeping me sane and out of the kitchen, so I'm happy :)
Oh and one more thing... I'm on my period. No wonder I was so emotional earlier today. At least I know it's not my brain telling me to eat. I wish my vagina would shut up and stop trying to take over. No, I do not REALLY want to eat chocolate, my vag just wants me to.
Well fuck you mother nature.
I'm not gonna give up because of you, or anyone else.
Take that!
:) hehe
<3

warning, this blog contains triggers and really is only me talking to myself

thats how i feel right now. sorry another shit-written post but i just need to get this out i feel so weak right now . i just got home from the beach i didnt eat like a whole lot but i did eat fuit and most of my sandwich and swedish fish and now i really really really have to go to the track to avoid a binge i need to get out of my house i feel like im going insane i want to binge so bad i wanna go make blueberry oatmeal pancakes and cookies and veggie burgers and eat triscuits and the rest of that peanut butter i got home and my stomach was all like "its my time now" and im trying really hard to resisit it and i knew if i blogged about it that it would keep me distracted enough until my water freezes and then i can go to the track and not come home untill way too late for dinner and if im still hungry maybe eat a lot of lettuce. because lettuce is safe. maybe even celery. with mustard. cuz theres no calories. my intake for today: 400 calories. i hate myself. no, i dont, its ok, its ok, i dont need more food, just calm down.....when i get to the track im doing everything double today so it will take longer and then i will feel better i dont need food i dont need it its ok it will be ok if i just get out of my house im going to get my water and my bike and just leave because after i exercise i will feel better and i wont even want to eat anymore
i blogged in hopes of making myself less emotional about this. thank god it worked. even though i feel like an insane person. but starving does that to you. wait, no i ate today. im starving tomorrow.
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i really need to go but i cant make myself go please somebody make me go so i wont eat my mom probably knows something is up now because i just started crying ok im leaving before she starts asking questions omg why does my house small like peanut butter it smells so good oh my fucking jesus christ in heaven i must leave this house right now

ugh.

i ate the yogurt last night. with some fruit. about 150 calories. sorry this post will be shitty looking, im trying tohurry. were going to the beach :/// i didnt even workout at all yesterday. i may be able to get in a few crunches before we go, and some when we get there before lots of people get there i hope maybe 100 at least??
im drinking lots of coffee because it has no calories, but i like it when mydailyplate is balanced, so im gonna drink some soymilk for protein :D
im taking some frozen fruit to the beach, just so they cant say i never eat anything. my bf is going and he watches me sometimes, so if im eating even a little he wont notice a thing i hope.
wish me luck. im going to need it.
must must must get to the track this afternoon. i dont care how late it is, when i get home im going. and thats that!
<3

burgers????

I just got done cooking dinner, because apparently now I'm head chef in my household. Oh joy... But hey, at least I can trick my family into eating right :) I made portabella mushroom burgers. Only 162 calories per serving. Go me. So after that, my total for the day will be 334 calories. I may even have some soy yogurt for dessert, with some blueberries. Ooohh.... that sounds good. Maybe not. It sounds too good.... I'm setting today's limit at 500 calories. Except I didn't get to go run today because it rained :/ So that means tomorrow I'm definitely doing double time. And when mom goes to sleep, I'm shutting the door and doing Tae-Bo in my bedroom for maybe an hour. That will burn 518 calories, and I'll be at a 704 calorie deficit. Yay!
I love seeing the negative sign on my net calories on mydailyplatee. It makes me smile :)
<333

control time

Ok so I decided to eat today. I'm eating the grated apple stuff I made, but only 1/4 of it because it has a lot of calories because there's walnuts in it. And 1/4 cup of oatmeal. Along with my coffee. And my goal was to drink a whole 24 ounce bottle of water during breakfast and when the bottle is empty, it's time to stop. And it worked :) If I take a sip between every tiny bite, it's really no big deal :) And even though I've eaten so little, I feel full.
My plan was to eat this for breakfast, a small salad for lunch before I go run, and maybe another salad or some v8 juice for dinner, but my mom wants to go out today :/ So That means I probably won't get a salad for lunch, which is good, but it decreases my chances of getting to go run because my boyfriend is coming over so it kind of is a good thing because I'll be skipping lunch and having dinner instead.
So I'm not really happy about going out, but not really sad either. Idk. Oh well. I can't control everything.
But I can control what I eat :)
Go me :))
According to thedailyplate.com, so far I've only had 175 calories.
Which is more than I've had in three days, but not by too much. And it can very easilt be burnt off WHEN I go running this afternoon.
Stay strong girls! We'll make it!!
<33333

im lovin it :)

The Daily Plate that is. It's really helping me alot. Like I know if I binge, I'll have to post everything I ate, which would be waaaayyy too time consuming, so if I think about that, then maybe I won't binge :)
Today I had a resting day.
I looked through magazines all day, and cut stuff out that I liked, like words and pictures and random things. Yes, it was a good destraction.
Then when I got hungry, I remembered that I told my mom I would make some grated apples today, so I did that. And I took a really long time making them. I love making grated apples. With a cheese grater :)) Sprinkle cinnamon and your choice of nust on top, and voila! I actually made a lot more than I planned on, but oh well. At least my brother will have something good to snack on. And I didn't eat any, because preparing it was enough. Like just smelling the apples was enough to make me not really hungry I guess. Idk. But I drank water like the whole time, so that's probably why I felt so full.
Then I took a steaming hot bubbley bath with lavendar oils and lit some candles.
And now I'm going to maybe stretch and do some yoga before bed.
Today has been a good day :)
Day Three of not eating a whole lot: SUCCESS
<3

plans for today

I was planning on laying out for about an hour, to keep my tan. But I just printed a bunch of stuff off of fading-obsession.com and I think I'm going to devote today to my thinspo journal. I haven't really used it this summer as much as I would have liked to, mostly because I either don't have time or don't want to write down all the horrible things I've eaten. But I'm going to write in it today, and copy down some of the general info stuff, and tips/tricks/distractions...stuff like that. I may even make another collage. I love making collages. So far, I have fifteen in the back of my journal. Pictures of beautiful girls I've found in magazines, online, etc... I wish I could print off my thinspo collection and make a really big collage, but my printer is almost out of ink, and I wouldn't have anywhere to hide it. I really want to make a whole wall of my bedroom nothing but thinspo, but my mom would freak. But if I could do that, it really would be amazing. I could look at it everyday... when I want to eat, while I'm exercising, while I'm looking in the mirror. When I get my own apartment I'm definitely going to do that.
Another thing I'm going to do, if I don't move in with my boyfriend, is never ever buy food. My best friend said she would come live with em and help pay rent and we could keep each other from eating. God what I wouldn't give for that. That would be so perfect. We would only buy salad stuff and water and raw food vegan stuff like fresh veggies and fruits, and absolutely no animal products or anything with added chemicals or sugar. And water. Lots and lots of water. I would bring my exercise bike, along with my real bike, and also all of my corny 1980s dance aerobics. And my yoga stuff. And all my free weights. And we would make a whole wall of our apartment dedicated to pictures of all the thin and beautiful people whom we will look like one day. We would have to hide this wall, so maybe we would put it in one of our bedrooms, or somewhere where we could hang a curtain over it or something. Like how people hang pretty rugs on walls sometimes? Yeah, that would work. Gosh that would be really amazing. It would be so easy to lose weight. We would be with each other all the time, 24/7 competition, and I know it would help us both keep from bingeing. That's the worse. The two times we have binged together, it was horrible, and I know the first time it happened I really didn't want to break my fast, and if I would have been just a little bit more stubborn, it could have been avoided. And I know she really didn't want to inge when we ate all that cereal, so together we could keep each other from doing this. And if we lived together, with all of our vegan food, there wouldn't be much to binge from anyways, because it would all be really healthy food, so it wouldn't really be like a binge. And neither of us eats fast foods so that wouldn't be a problem. Oh and I almost forgot, we would always have Shirataki noodles. I really want to try them. They supposively have no calories. I don't know why, but for some reason noodles with chocolate syrup sounds really really good, and Publix has no-cal chocolate syrup, so if I only ate that, I could lose a whole lot of weight, and maybe drop down to 115. I can see us now, wearing each other's clothes, because we'll be the same size, and helping each other stay focused. And exercising together constantly.
I can't wait to go to college.
One more year, one more year, one more year...
I'm in a dreamy kind of mood today. It's kind of cool. I had coffee for breakfast with cream and sugar because the kind I have now tastes really weird black. Up to 86 calories. I might let myself go to 150 today, but liquids only. And I need to drink my soymilk, because it has protein in it, and the 8th continent kind only has 50 calories per serving. So that will be 136 calories. Then I might drink a sip or two of v8 juice. I was thinking of going to the track today, but I may just do some crunches, and take it easy. It's good to take breaks from exercise, right? I'll go tomorrow. Take the weekend off. Relax. I might take a bubble bath tonight :) With some lavender oils. And epsom salt. Yeah. And dream some more :)
Sounds good to me.
Stay strong, my pretties!
<3