autopilot

yep.
for the past three weeks ive been on auto and for no reason at all, my plane crashed today, due to lack of fuel.
so, in other words, the depression i thought i had control of, actually was just being pushed inside, while i walk around on cruise control.
but the good news is i went to they gym finally yesterday.
but the bad news is i weigh 162 :(
but the good news is i havent eaten anything solid in over 3 days.
and im going to the gym tomorrow with two friends.
but ill definitely get there way before they do, and im not leaving until after they leave.

im so tired of being fat and sad and empty inside.
im even too depressed to get high.
that doesnt make any fucking sense.
ugh

update

for those that still read my blog lol sorry its been wayyyyyyyyyy too long

i moved into my dorm finally :D ultimate freedom.
im such a fucking lardass.
but the only food i have here is fresh fruit so hopefully i will lose lots of weight in college. i have to ride my bike everywhere, so ill be getting lots of exercise!

but i have no nice clothes to fit me anymore cuz im so fat :/
idk how much i weigh right now. i havent been bingeing, just eating more throughout the day.

but today is sunday, and after being up all night from laxatives, i am starting over. im back :]

marijuana

will not solve your problems

but it still feels amazing :]

except it makes waffles and cereal taste fucking amazing
nomnomnom
high as fucking kite man

i wanna be the carrot girl

http://www.theage.com.au/news/health/relating-to-anorexia/2008/04/08/1207420388538.html

amazing.


btw, im 150 today :]
and happy. happier, at least.
how is everyone?

quick update

been super busy, but happier i think? i havent binged in 13 days. mostly because i got a tongue ring and it makes it difficult to eat sometimes. but still :] victory!
ive been eating alot of fruit lately.
and smoking alot of weed lately.
i never get the munchies really until the day after.
which is why today i am destracting myself with ddr and exercise. hopefully.
last night was amazing. my best friend and i drove into the abyss for three hours. with no shirts on :D

update on boy from previous posts: he is amazing :] but neither of us really want a relationship rigt now, so we are just really, really close friends.
hehehehehehe

i love it when things seem perfect for a change.
but it is ruined as soon as i look in a mirror

be back monday :D

going camping at the beach :D

today: 2 starbursts- 40
15 almonds- about 100

:D
plan: eat as little as possible, and only fruits/veggies/nuts when forced
go running on the beach every morning before sunrise

sooooooooo excited :DD

love you guys!!

oh! ps- i am totally crushing on the one guy xD

back on track

sadhana: i will never stop posting!!! i love yousguys way too much :]

i fell into a pothole in the road, but i climbed out and i am back down to 155,, and the next 5 days im going camping so it will be easy to get away with not eating much because all im taking for food is fruit and almonds :]

yesterday was a good day :] i had 130 cals of almonds, and a low-carb monster energy drink, so i had 150 cals :D and i did DDR and burned 500 calories, AND, i went to a show with some friends last night, and got up close and personal with this amazingly sexy guy :D

i feel very awesome today. how is everyone else?