you guys are so awesome!!! thanks so much for your kind words and support it really does help. this whole week has been crazy i have been way too busy with school stuff to even think about food or my ex bf and i havent lost any weight at all because ive been eating shit food but luckily i have been walking non stop all day the past two days for orientation so i havent gained any weight at all either. im 156, which isnt horrible but isnt pretty either :/
today would be day 14 of abc, but i already screwed that up, but i dont feel bad today so i am going to fast the rest of the day and exercise to make up for it, and then move on tomorrow to day 15. am going to redo all the days i messed up after i get to day 50. i WILL be skinny for college.
speaking of college, i have amazing news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IM GETTING A FULL SCHOLARSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HIHGAEGBVOHBHUGBSVQEVGBUOANKHZJBFDB YAY
it will cover housing fees, tuition, lab fees, books, and even a meal plan! so of course i am getting the smallest meal plan... but the campus has a coffee shop so i will just use all my meal credits to buy coffee :] i am so excited! i find out who my roommate is the middle of this month, i hope i know who she is and isnt a complete stranger :/ but it would almost be better to have a roommate who is a complete stranger that way i dont have to worry about if she finds out about my ed...
my mom is like trying to force me to get a mini fridge for my dorm and to fill it with food im like uh no ill fill it with low carb monster energy drink, tea, coffee, and apples and that is it. i dont want to eat like ever at college. i probably wont because i dont like eating in front of people and there are people everywhere...
im also scared that like what happens if i binge and have to purge cuz i am definitely taking my bucket with me but i wont be able to use it like any time i want :/ idk.
but yeah mostly im really really excited :D and my bf and i decided that even though he is an asshole i will still be friends with him because i do really care for him and we are very close and we dont really know alot about each other still so were just going to be friends.
that way im not obligated to turn down all the hot college guys :D hehehehehe
i havent heard from my guy friend in a while because he is grounded :/ i really miss him.
my bestie is coming back on monday!!!!!!!! she is going to continue abc with me and we are going to kill ourselves with exercise :D
oh oh oh and i start a babysitting job on monday so i will be too busy to eat much this week :DDD yay!!!!!!
i hope all of you are doing fantastic! i have missed you all this week and i will try my best to update more often than last week. i forgot how inspiring using blogger everyday was :]
stay strong <333
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
abc day 7/8
how day seven was supposed to go:
almonds- 72
mini wheats- 50
veggie burger- 70
applesauce- 50
small salad- 50
ddr- 215
total in- 292
total out- 215
net calories- negative 77
how it went:
see above, add break up with bf, add 2000 calories, add too miserable to purge.
meh.
day 8:
see above, add 500000000000 calories, purged today, and took laxatives.
meh.
why are men such assholes???? he thinks im hurt. im really not. i broke up with him, he wants his shit back etc... he keeps calling which is making it 1000000 times worse. im so pissed. ugh.
well, i was... now i just feel void.
yay.
<3
almonds- 72
mini wheats- 50
veggie burger- 70
applesauce- 50
small salad- 50
ddr- 215
total in- 292
total out- 215
net calories- negative 77
how it went:
see above, add break up with bf, add 2000 calories, add too miserable to purge.
meh.
day 8:
see above, add 500000000000 calories, purged today, and took laxatives.
meh.
why are men such assholes???? he thinks im hurt. im really not. i broke up with him, he wants his shit back etc... he keeps calling which is making it 1000000 times worse. im so pissed. ugh.
well, i was... now i just feel void.
yay.
<3
abc day 6
almonds: 160
grapes: 50
total: 210
i went over a little but yesterday was so amazing that i don't even care. i went to ichetucknee river with my cousins who i havent seen all in the same place in years, and my best guy friend. we went tubing :] so much fun and my best guy friend and i both agreed that since neither of us really know what we want right now, but since we both sort of love each other in weird complex ways, were just going to stay chill right now and go with the flow of things nd if we end up together then we do and if we dont then we dont. i just know that i could be with him forever and never ever ever get bored. he is so amazing and funny and the best friend ever.
anyway, i had the best day ever yesterday, so going over a little was absolutely not a problem :]
also because I AM 153 TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so it really does not matter :]
today is day 7, 300 calories, im at 50, fixin to go exercise, i feel so strong today :]
i love you guys!!! pics tomorrow!!!
<33333333333
grapes: 50
total: 210
i went over a little but yesterday was so amazing that i don't even care. i went to ichetucknee river with my cousins who i havent seen all in the same place in years, and my best guy friend. we went tubing :] so much fun and my best guy friend and i both agreed that since neither of us really know what we want right now, but since we both sort of love each other in weird complex ways, were just going to stay chill right now and go with the flow of things nd if we end up together then we do and if we dont then we dont. i just know that i could be with him forever and never ever ever get bored. he is so amazing and funny and the best friend ever.
anyway, i had the best day ever yesterday, so going over a little was absolutely not a problem :]
also because I AM 153 TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so it really does not matter :]
today is day 7, 300 calories, im at 50, fixin to go exercise, i feel so strong today :]
i love you guys!!! pics tomorrow!!!
<33333333333
Friday, June 25, 2010
i know im doing it right :]
cuz my legs have been numb for like ten minutes and i have been so light and dizzy all day
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sweet starvation nom nom nom
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sweet starvation nom nom nom
abc day 5
just started today really, but ive done so much since i woke up that i may be going to sleep soon to avoid food.
1 slice dry toast- 45
1/4 cup applesauce- 50
total- 95 :]
mowed the lawn for 2 hours: -anywhere from 600 to 800 calories, ill go with 700
net calories: -605
i am beast. i HAVE to keep this up. i am thinking about breaking up with my bf because i just want to have fun right now and he is really annoying me and were not compatible anymore like we used to be so yeah that means i gotta look good for all the sexy single people out there cuz i wanna look good while im having fun. yay for new motivation? i think so :]
tip: no matter what, stay positive. negativity leads to sadness and sadness leads to binging. positivity helps me alot. tune everything else out and think about the good things happening right now and how if you were to eat food, you would feel bad and it would ruin your perceived goodness. so stay positive and positively strong everyone, whether you are new to this or are struggling or have been doing this forever or in recovery, may the force be with you :]
1 slice dry toast- 45
1/4 cup applesauce- 50
total- 95 :]
mowed the lawn for 2 hours: -anywhere from 600 to 800 calories, ill go with 700
net calories: -605
i am beast. i HAVE to keep this up. i am thinking about breaking up with my bf because i just want to have fun right now and he is really annoying me and were not compatible anymore like we used to be so yeah that means i gotta look good for all the sexy single people out there cuz i wanna look good while im having fun. yay for new motivation? i think so :]
tip: no matter what, stay positive. negativity leads to sadness and sadness leads to binging. positivity helps me alot. tune everything else out and think about the good things happening right now and how if you were to eat food, you would feel bad and it would ruin your perceived goodness. so stay positive and positively strong everyone, whether you are new to this or are struggling or have been doing this forever or in recovery, may the force be with you :]
Thursday, June 24, 2010
abc day 4
mixed veggies- 100
veggie burger- 70
slice of bread- 45
peanut butter- 100
protein water- 50
total- 365
omg it is so difficult for me to not to binge right now aaaaaaaa i want it so bad
must exercise must exercise must exercise
:( stay strong, send me your energy to keep me strong
<3
veggie burger- 70
slice of bread- 45
peanut butter- 100
protein water- 50
total- 365
omg it is so difficult for me to not to binge right now aaaaaaaa i want it so bad
must exercise must exercise must exercise
:( stay strong, send me your energy to keep me strong
<3
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
holyfuckshit
i went out partying last night with some friends and got so fucked up omg it was the best weed ever, mixed with rum and some kind of wine idk but yeah it got real crazy i didnt remember most of what happened but then the cops came and it was like 4 in the morning and now my best friends mom pretty much hates me because my best friend is only 16 so he got a curfew violation and his mom took his phone away and i cant talk to him and she hates me and i feel really really bad...
but it was the best night of my life, and i cant wait to do it again :]
and i woke up this morning at 154.5.
i havent been this low in forever.
must have been all the *cough* exercise *cough* that i did last night.
you guys have no idea how crazy that party got.
well, you probably do now. i mean i got high off my ass and somehow managed to get enough *cough* exercise to lose me two pounds in one day.
nothing is going to stop me now :]
"im on the top of the world lookin down on creation..."
stay strong my lovelies! i believe in all of you, and i love you all sooooo very much <3
but it was the best night of my life, and i cant wait to do it again :]
and i woke up this morning at 154.5.
i havent been this low in forever.
must have been all the *cough* exercise *cough* that i did last night.
you guys have no idea how crazy that party got.
well, you probably do now. i mean i got high off my ass and somehow managed to get enough *cough* exercise to lose me two pounds in one day.
nothing is going to stop me now :]
"im on the top of the world lookin down on creation..."
stay strong my lovelies! i believe in all of you, and i love you all sooooo very much <3
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