none of the people who are supposed to be my "bestest friends eveerrrrrr" ever talk to me during the summer.
nobody says hi on myspace.
nobody comments my pictures.
nobody cares about my facebook.
oh well. ill show them. im gonna be so fucking sexy when school starts, theyll wish they still knew me.
bitches.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
eee :)
im back down to 159. not good, but better than 163... which means now i only have to lose 9 pounds in 4 days...
haaaa
chyeah right :/
ill be lucky if i get to 155. thats where i wanna be right now :/
i was so tiny and i felt so good at 156. just imagine me at 155. or 150.
like a hyper chiuhauha on crack, thats what. oh hllz yeah. :D
lol
i decided to extend my fast to 12:00 pm, only cuz im not really hungry yet. i wanna wait untill im ravenous, and then tell my stomach to go fuck itself.
and maybe drink some soup.
onion soup mix- 20 calories per tbs
and you can add crushed red pepper for zero cals, and as much salt as you want tho i dont recommend doing that.
tastes so good on an empty tummy :)
maybe ill just wait untill tonight to eat/drink it. then tomorrow is no calorie wednesday again!
and absolutely no sodas this week. none at all.
and i still havent had any caffeine! this is amazing! i usually go through 2 pots a day! and ive been drinking water only for almost 2 days :) go me.
i might have coffee later though.
no, ill wait untill tomorrow.
yeah.
prettywreck--- i wanna hug your head too!!!! that sounds like fun!!! lol
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i feel high right now. :)
i woke up frozen. i love that about water fasts :) and i put on sweat pants.
in florida. in the middle of sumer.
no, no, im not really on crack. im just loving feeling cold :)
oooo i might have some tea at 12 that sounds good :)
white tea with splenda. yummmm
i want to go to walmart and get some more akavar. i miss it. it helped with cravings. and i wanna get some niacin. and this stuff called chitosan. and some metamucil.
lol.
i need some money.
i need a job :/
when i get skinny i can just be a model :)
hehe
yay for water :)))
stay strong all you peoples <333
haaaa
chyeah right :/
ill be lucky if i get to 155. thats where i wanna be right now :/
i was so tiny and i felt so good at 156. just imagine me at 155. or 150.
like a hyper chiuhauha on crack, thats what. oh hllz yeah. :D
lol
i decided to extend my fast to 12:00 pm, only cuz im not really hungry yet. i wanna wait untill im ravenous, and then tell my stomach to go fuck itself.
and maybe drink some soup.
onion soup mix- 20 calories per tbs
and you can add crushed red pepper for zero cals, and as much salt as you want tho i dont recommend doing that.
tastes so good on an empty tummy :)
maybe ill just wait untill tonight to eat/drink it. then tomorrow is no calorie wednesday again!
and absolutely no sodas this week. none at all.
and i still havent had any caffeine! this is amazing! i usually go through 2 pots a day! and ive been drinking water only for almost 2 days :) go me.
i might have coffee later though.
no, ill wait untill tomorrow.
yeah.
prettywreck--- i wanna hug your head too!!!! that sounds like fun!!! lol
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i feel high right now. :)
i woke up frozen. i love that about water fasts :) and i put on sweat pants.
in florida. in the middle of sumer.
no, no, im not really on crack. im just loving feeling cold :)
oooo i might have some tea at 12 that sounds good :)
white tea with splenda. yummmm
i want to go to walmart and get some more akavar. i miss it. it helped with cravings. and i wanna get some niacin. and this stuff called chitosan. and some metamucil.
lol.
i need some money.
i need a job :/
when i get skinny i can just be a model :)
hehe
yay for water :)))
stay strong all you peoples <333
Monday, August 3, 2009
awww :)
All you people are so freaking amazing :)
How is everyone doing on their fasts? In Florida, it is approx 8:45 right now, and I've been drinking water constantly all day to help flush all the gross stuff I ate yesterday, and I feel so much better now because I haven't eaten in over 24 hours and gah I just feel so much better idk...
I so hope I've lost some weight by the morning though. I managed to be only 160 this morning, so I guess the water weight stuff wasn't so bad from yesterday, but then I drank four bottles of water, wore my heaviest jeans, and 3 shirts to the doctor's today, and he believes the scale when it says 170 :) So now my family has nothing to worry about until I go for my sports physical in November, and hopefully by then I'll be at 140 or less.
I took laxatives yesterday, even though I said I wouldn't, but I only took half and then I took half of the remaining half earlier today because seriously I just want it out like I can still feel stuff in there like settling and I need that shit to understand that it so cannot settle in my stomach or on my body at all, and it has to move out.
I want to feel empty again. I miss it so much.
I have to be 155 on Friday for my senior pictures. Why did I binge when I was soooo close????
But it's going to be ok, because if I liquid fast I can totally at least get to the point I was Sunday morning, when I felt so great after not having binged the night before.
I just like went through and read everyone's blogs and stuff and I feel alot more calm and relaxed now and I'm going to finish this bottle of water, then drink two more before I go to sleep, and do some exercises.
OH! I almost forgot: I started reading Animal Liberation today, by Peter Singer. AMAZING.
I've fallen in love with an Australian philosopher.
Stay strong everyone!! Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
Not even the pie in the fridge calling my name :)
<333
How is everyone doing on their fasts? In Florida, it is approx 8:45 right now, and I've been drinking water constantly all day to help flush all the gross stuff I ate yesterday, and I feel so much better now because I haven't eaten in over 24 hours and gah I just feel so much better idk...
I so hope I've lost some weight by the morning though. I managed to be only 160 this morning, so I guess the water weight stuff wasn't so bad from yesterday, but then I drank four bottles of water, wore my heaviest jeans, and 3 shirts to the doctor's today, and he believes the scale when it says 170 :) So now my family has nothing to worry about until I go for my sports physical in November, and hopefully by then I'll be at 140 or less.
I took laxatives yesterday, even though I said I wouldn't, but I only took half and then I took half of the remaining half earlier today because seriously I just want it out like I can still feel stuff in there like settling and I need that shit to understand that it so cannot settle in my stomach or on my body at all, and it has to move out.
I want to feel empty again. I miss it so much.
I have to be 155 on Friday for my senior pictures. Why did I binge when I was soooo close????
But it's going to be ok, because if I liquid fast I can totally at least get to the point I was Sunday morning, when I felt so great after not having binged the night before.
I just like went through and read everyone's blogs and stuff and I feel alot more calm and relaxed now and I'm going to finish this bottle of water, then drink two more before I go to sleep, and do some exercises.
OH! I almost forgot: I started reading Animal Liberation today, by Peter Singer. AMAZING.
I've fallen in love with an Australian philosopher.
Stay strong everyone!! Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
Not even the pie in the fridge calling my name :)
<333
Sunday, August 2, 2009
40 hours
Ok I've had enough I feel so fucking disgusting right now like I can feel the fat sliding down my esophagus and into my stomach and making me cringe because my tummy hurts so bad right now and now it's sliding right onto my tummy and my thighs and my already large enough ass and aaaaahhhh!!!!
I'm scared now.
What have I done?
:'(
I'm starting a 40 hour fast as of 4:00 pm today. No food untill at least 8:00 am on Tuesday morning. Then on to my liquid fast for the rest of the week.
I can do this.
If I can go six days without touching solid food, as I have many times before, I can surely do anything.
40 hours should be like nothing.
Some good news from today: I don't think I'm truly addicted to caffeine yet. I didn't have coffee/tea/diet soda at all today, and I didn't have a headache untill just now.
But that's because my brain is getting signals from all over my body telling me "WHAT THE FUCKKKK"
anyone wanna do a 40 hour fast with me?
I'm scared now.
What have I done?
:'(
I'm starting a 40 hour fast as of 4:00 pm today. No food untill at least 8:00 am on Tuesday morning. Then on to my liquid fast for the rest of the week.
I can do this.
If I can go six days without touching solid food, as I have many times before, I can surely do anything.
40 hours should be like nothing.
Some good news from today: I don't think I'm truly addicted to caffeine yet. I didn't have coffee/tea/diet soda at all today, and I didn't have a headache untill just now.
But that's because my brain is getting signals from all over my body telling me "WHAT THE FUCKKKK"
anyone wanna do a 40 hour fast with me?
:/ sorry if this triggers you
BEFORE:
DURING:
AFTER: 
DURING:
AFTER: Oh well.
At least i won't be "too skinny", or have lost "a dramatic amount of weight" at the doctors. So my mom shouldn't be all suspicious or anything.
I'm out of laxatives finally.
kind of a good thing i guess.
At least i won't be "too skinny", or have lost "a dramatic amount of weight" at the doctors. So my mom shouldn't be all suspicious or anything.
I'm out of laxatives finally.
kind of a good thing i guess.
Sad thing is, I'm not done yet, and I have senior pictures this Friday, so I'm going to do a liquid fast all week. Hopefully I won't gain too much weight.
<3>
<3>
);
love sleepovers
Yeah... it's Sunday... I'm supposed to fast today.. which means I'm not supposed to eat a huge fucking bowl of oatmeal with peanut butter and soymilk and fucking candy sprinkles on top wtf what kind of fucking fat kid puts rainbow candy sprinkles on oatmeal?????????
Idk even know how it happened, but I'm sure I stayed under or right around 500 so I'm still good for my limit now I just gotta watch my back (and my mouth) for the rest of today.
But yesterday was sooooo good and my friend and I spent like 3 hours looking at my collection of thinspo because we both wanted to binge so badly and I was like no, I'm not going to let you binge, because we don't deserve that yet and we didn't eat anything at all and when I woke up I was still 156 even though I ate so much yesterday and we didn't binge and it was so great and we were both so freaking happy and now I totally blew my fast today but that is ok because I haven't eaten since around 10 so I'll just fast for 30 hours like I was going to do for today...
Except I'm going to the doctor tomorrow for a check-up and my mom always goes into the room with me for some reason so she always sees when they weigh me and I really don't want her to know that I weigh 156 I want her to keep thinking it's more like 166 that way she doesn't get suspicious so I think I'm going to drink like a gallon of water before I go... and wear lots of layers.
Ok, it's going to be ok, I'm going to the track today, hopefully all day, and it will be fine, like the oatmeal never happened...
To all my new followers, HEYYY!!
Seriously, when I started this thing, I never thought anyone would read it. Ever. I have 44 followers! That is so cool. You guys are all so awesome and amazing and it's so great to know that
I'm not the only one.
<333
Idk even know how it happened, but I'm sure I stayed under or right around 500 so I'm still good for my limit now I just gotta watch my back (and my mouth) for the rest of today.
But yesterday was sooooo good and my friend and I spent like 3 hours looking at my collection of thinspo because we both wanted to binge so badly and I was like no, I'm not going to let you binge, because we don't deserve that yet and we didn't eat anything at all and when I woke up I was still 156 even though I ate so much yesterday and we didn't binge and it was so great and we were both so freaking happy and now I totally blew my fast today but that is ok because I haven't eaten since around 10 so I'll just fast for 30 hours like I was going to do for today...
Except I'm going to the doctor tomorrow for a check-up and my mom always goes into the room with me for some reason so she always sees when they weigh me and I really don't want her to know that I weigh 156 I want her to keep thinking it's more like 166 that way she doesn't get suspicious so I think I'm going to drink like a gallon of water before I go... and wear lots of layers.
Ok, it's going to be ok, I'm going to the track today, hopefully all day, and it will be fine, like the oatmeal never happened...
To all my new followers, HEYYY!!
Seriously, when I started this thing, I never thought anyone would read it. Ever. I have 44 followers! That is so cool. You guys are all so awesome and amazing and it's so great to know that
I'm not the only one.
<333
Saturday, August 1, 2009
must.not.give.in.
i haven't gone over 500 yuet.
i said i was going to do a liquid day but idk what came over me i had oatmeal this morning and that set me up for disaster..
then i was doing ok until mom wanted to watch movies and make popcorn..
and i said i wouldnt eat anymore untill tonight but i did i had a baked potatoe, veggie burger, broccoli..
ughhhhh
so im at like 480 calories i canNOT go over today.
tomorrow is my 4 months anniversary. wow its kind of amazing i actually didnt get bored with him yet :] and he still likes me or he wouldnt be with me so maybe theres something here?
idk but i hope he has to work tomorrow b/c tomorrow is no calories, and i have to stick to it b/c i haven't lost any weight.
which is good b/c it means im still 156, lower than i've ever been in my ENTIRE life! which is amazing for me :]
and i just read everyones updates and tried my bestest to comment most of them and it is really a great distraction b/c ive found so many new people on here that will listen and at least try to understand.
thank you.
and now i have to go volunteer, and when i get home at 6:30 im hoping to go to my friend's house maybe and spend the night b/c i know if i go over there, or if she comes over here, that she wont make me eat food, and it will be easier to resist food knowing that she is doing the same and we can help each other resist.
god i love her. she sees me for me.
i love my crazy clown :]
anywho, im hoping maybe when i get home ill have tea and a shower and more tea and just go to bed yes thats the plan im so full of anxiety right now about not eating im going to stay on here as long as possible before i go get ready to leave that way i dont have time to eat
my stomach hurts from eating but i want more :'(
<333
i said i was going to do a liquid day but idk what came over me i had oatmeal this morning and that set me up for disaster..
then i was doing ok until mom wanted to watch movies and make popcorn..
and i said i wouldnt eat anymore untill tonight but i did i had a baked potatoe, veggie burger, broccoli..
ughhhhh
so im at like 480 calories i canNOT go over today.
tomorrow is my 4 months anniversary. wow its kind of amazing i actually didnt get bored with him yet :] and he still likes me or he wouldnt be with me so maybe theres something here?
idk but i hope he has to work tomorrow b/c tomorrow is no calories, and i have to stick to it b/c i haven't lost any weight.
which is good b/c it means im still 156, lower than i've ever been in my ENTIRE life! which is amazing for me :]
and i just read everyones updates and tried my bestest to comment most of them and it is really a great distraction b/c ive found so many new people on here that will listen and at least try to understand.
thank you.
and now i have to go volunteer, and when i get home at 6:30 im hoping to go to my friend's house maybe and spend the night b/c i know if i go over there, or if she comes over here, that she wont make me eat food, and it will be easier to resist food knowing that she is doing the same and we can help each other resist.
god i love her. she sees me for me.
i love my crazy clown :]
anywho, im hoping maybe when i get home ill have tea and a shower and more tea and just go to bed yes thats the plan im so full of anxiety right now about not eating im going to stay on here as long as possible before i go get ready to leave that way i dont have time to eat
my stomach hurts from eating but i want more :'(
<333
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